


The Unofficial Gaygenda

by EmergencyExitsOnly



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (Author is autistic dw), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Autistic Keith (Voltron), Dirty Jokes, Eventual Keith/Lance (Voltron), F/F, F/M, Family Issues, Family Shenanigans, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Klatt? Klatte? Whats Even This OT3's Ship Name, Klatte is endgame dont worry, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Memes, Minor Hunk/Shay (Voltron), Multi, Mutual Pining, Not The Author Thats Who, Oblivious Keith (Voltron), Oblivious Lance (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), References to Drugs, Sexual Humor, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Swearing, Texting, Vines, a chatfic? for such a rarepair like klatt owo? More likely than you think, lance and allura are stepsiblings, mostly memes and crack ngl, pidge has a cute lil teenage crush on allura, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2019-09-16 10:59:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16952727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmergencyExitsOnly/pseuds/EmergencyExitsOnly
Summary: Olloro: rip in peace Lance McClainMatteroni: Rest In Peace In PeaceOlloro: I Stand By My Mistakes Like A Man Unlike You ThotsGaylien: cant believe youre calling out my mom this early in the morningShiroGONE: kEITHor,7 losers +1 groupchat = a fucking mess thats what it isJoin four (4) highschool dorks and three (3) college students in their journey filled with shenaningans,self discovery and memes to find their place in this everchanging,unkind world,chatfic style.





	1. the one where lance creates a groupchat and regrets it

**Author's Note:**

> Oof I wanted to jump on the bandwagon and write a chatfic of my favourite squad uwu
> 
> Warning: rated mature for strong language and inappropriate humor.no explicit sexual content.Family problems,mental illnesses and implied assault are all in the story (Again, no graphic depictions or explicit content).Trigger warnings will be mentioned at the start of the chapter should it contain any sensitive topic(s)
> 
> that being said,mentions of neglectful parents/family problems.Skip when lance texts keith personally.After that it should be fine

LemmeSmash:Lance (18)  
ShiroGONE: Shiro (22)  
Gaylien: Keith (18)  
Pidgetti:Pidge (17)  
Olloro: Allura (22)  
MomFriend:Hunk (18)  
Mattaroni:Matt (20)

 

LemmeSmash added ShiroGONE,Gaylien,Pidgetti,Olloro,MomFriend to Groupchat!

_LemmeSmash renamed Groupchat to The Unofficial Gaygenda!_

LemmeSmash: henlo gwuys! owo!

Pidgetti: hi yes wheres the unfriend button

LemmeSmash: r00d

LemmeSmash: I work day and night to provide for my family and tHIS is how you repay me?

Gaylien: why are yall awake at the ass crack of dawn

Pidgetti:texan keith makes an appearance

LemmeSmash: keith!!!!

Gaylien:…

Gaylien: new phone who dis

Pidgetti: BURNT AND TOAST TO A CRSIP

LemmeSmash:crsip

MomFriend:crsip

Gaylien:crsip

Olloro: crsip

ShiroGONE:crsip

Mattaroni:crsip

Pidgetti: i cANT BELIEVE

Pidgetti:BETRAYED BY MY FLESH AND BLOOD

Gaylien: Go eat your pidgetti to forgetti your regretti

LemmeSmash:This is golden dnsnnsns keith I didnt you had it in you

Pidgetti:i feel simultaneously proud and betrayed

Pidetti: cryptkids are supposed to stick with one another

Gaylien: *shrug emoji *

LemmeSmash: who killed keith and became him bc I Stan

Olloro:oh sure /now/ you stan him?

Gaylien: wym?

LemmeSmash:haha what

 

LemmeSmash>>>Olloro

LemmeSmash: I cANT BELIEVE YOU

Olloro:yes? :)

LemmeSmash: I'll remember this betrayal watch your back

Olloro: sure do lol

 

Gaylien>>>Olloro

Gaylien: what did you mean??

Gaylien: allura dont leave me on read I can see you

Gaylien:ALLURA PLS

 

 **The Unofficial Gaygenda**  
     
ShiroGONE:its too early for this

LemmeSmash: Its 6.30am???

MomFriend: Let The Man Rest

Pidgetti: ShiroXRest #MakeItCanon

LemmeSmash: is that a new yaoi hentai

_ShiroGONE has left the chat!_

Pidgetti: Stop That

LemmeSmash: No

Gaylien: why are you like this

_Gaylien has added ShiroGONE to the groupchat!_

Mattaroni: Welcome back fucking cheater

Gaylien: Im telling adam

ShiroGONE: what did I do to deserve all these thots harrasing me

Pidgetti: Everything.

Gaylien: but seriously though,why does this groupchat exist? dont we have a official school groupchat/forum??

LemmeSmash: whats wrong with me wanting to form a closer bond with my best buds huh?

Pidgetti: he got banned from it lmao

LemmeSmash: nO SHHH

Gaylien: hOW

MomFriend: he sent a nude lol

LemmeSmash: SLANDER ON MY GOOD NAME

Pigetti: what good name

LemmeSmash: sTOP

LemmeSmash: i'll have you know it is nOT a nude

LemmeSmash: it was only a shirtless pic

Pidgetti: a pretty Spicy one

MomFriend: see this is why we cant have nice things

Mattaroni: @Gaylien Im surprised you dont know arent you in the school gc?

Gaylien: who even checks it??

Olloro: the…the whole school,keith

Gaylien: so the whole school saw it

Pidgetti: yes

Pidgetti: I needed to bleach my pure virgin eyes

LemmeSmash: r00d

 

Gaylien>>>Pidgetti

Gaylien:do you have a copy

Pidgetti: Yea,I Back Up All Blackmail Material Of My Friends,Why Do You Ask Fellow Brethren?

Gaylien: no reason,just doing research.

Pidgetti: No You Big Gay Go Ask Him Yourself You Coward

Gaylien: bitch

Pidgetti: :)

 

_**The Unofficial Gaygenda** _

LemmeSmash: can we PLEASE stop talking about my humiliating moments

Pidgetti: so basically your whole life

Olloro: rip in peace Lance McClain

Matteroni: Rest In Peace In Peace

Olloro: I Stand By My Mistakes Like A Man Unlike You Thots

Gaylien: cant believe youre calling out my mom this early in the morning

ShiroGONE: kEITH

Pidgetti: KEITH HAHAHHAHA

Gaylien: Just Orphan Things™

MomFriend: Stop Him

 

LemmeSmash>>>Gaylien

LemmeSmash: hey

LemmeSmash: you okay?

LemmeSmash: Im an expert in hiding behind memes and jokes and you dont seem fine

LemmeSmash: I mean,you dont have to tell me if youre not comfortable but I just wanna let you know im here for you

Gaylien: yea Im fine

Gaylien: Im just.bitter.my mom left me

Gaylien: so many of the problems im facing could have been avoided if she actually took responsibility,you know?

Gaylien: sorry for ranting.I'll just.go now.

LemmeSmash: no its alright.I kinda get you

LemmeSmash: my mom wasnt exactly motherly towards me.She was too busy dealing with her depression to take care of me as a kid.Growing up,books and tv shows raised me instead,hence my drama queen tendencies

LemmeSmash: oof so uh,what you feel is totally normal and understandable given your situation.Just,,,dont bottle it okay?

Gaylien: okay

Gaylien: thank you

LemmeSmash: np!

 

Gaylien>>>ShiroGONE

Gaylien: [Screenshoot69.jpeg]

Gaylien: Shiro Oh No My Kokoro

ShiroGONE: youre hopeless I s2g

 

_**The Unofficial Gaygenda** _

Pidgetti: keith back at it again with Orphan Jokes™

Gaylien: gotta make the most out of my parentless childhood

Mattaroni: now THATS the mindset we all should have!

MomFriend: Im not sure if thats a good thing but okay

ShiroGONE: shouldnt yall be in class?

LemmeSmash: noOoo

Gaylien: Yes.Lab specifically.Hes right beside me.

LemmeSmash: oH SHITIAIJRJND

Gaylien: iverson confiscated his phone lmakdkwkqk

Pidgetti: _fools_

[12.43pm]

Pidgetti: @LemmeSmash @Gaylien im crying hOW DO YOU END UP BURNING DOWN A WHOLEASS LAB

MomFriend: that was klance????

ShiroGONE: of course it is.

Mattaroni: Marry Me Keith

Olloro: chaos gods…

MomFriend: fool,,,,we all know pidge is the real chaos god here

Pidgetti: anYWAYS Im surprised they werent immediately expelled

ShiroGONE: thank god.

Gaylien: @Mattaroni Sorry im already betrothed to mothman

Mattaroni: :(

 

Mattaroni>>>Pidgetti

Mattaroni: what is it that mothman has that I dont? :(

Pidgetti: a nice butt

Mataroni: I have the bEST BUTT THANKS  >:(

Pidgetti: I did not need to have this curaed conversation etched in my mind thanks

Mattaroni: :(

 

_**The Unofficial Gaygenda** _

LemmeSmash: I cant believe we didnt get expelled

Gaylien: I wish I did

ShiroGONE: Keith! education is important you are NOT dropping out.

Mattaroni: what even hAPPENED

Gaylien: lance mixed the two highly flammable solutions we were specifically told NOT to

Gaylien: tHEN,he waved it around like some fOOL and accidentally sPILLED IT EVERYWHERE AND IT CAUGHT ON FIRE

LemmeSmash: Oops

LemmeSmash: in my defense people should know this was bound to happen when they decided to let me be near dangerous chemicals and open fire

Gaylien: I want to die

Mattaroni: youre lucky principal alfor knows you both well enough to know you didnt do it on purpose

Olloro: that is correct

Pidgetti: I heard you losers now have to clean the lab for a whole 2 months now?

Gaylien: ugh dont remind me

LemmeSmash: rip social life

MomFriend: you have one?

LemmeSmash: hUNK

 

Pidgetti>>>LemmeSmash

Pidgetti: you fool dont think I dont know you did all that in an attempt to cheer keith up

LemmeSmash: pidge thats what friends DO

Pidgetti: sure,loverboy

 

_**The Unofficial Gaygenda** _

Mattaroni: wait

Mattaroni: Didnt your phones get confiscated?? how are yall texting

Pidgetti: the Texas is spreading,,,

Gaylien: lmao we broke into iversons office and took it back

ShiroGONE: yOU WHAT

Olloro: arent you guys already in so much trouble????

Gaylien: to be honest whats one more trouble?

Pidgetti: Big Mood

Mattaroni: no u gremlin

Pidgetti: Shut Up Your Fuck

Gaylien: urgh I gotta spend my afternoons with lance now

LemmeSmash: you wanna go mulletman??

Gaylien: so what if I do??

LemmeSmash: Meet me @ Dennys 8pm

Gaylien: I cant I have dinner with shiro

LemmeSmash: whatre you guys eating?

Gaylien: uh idk maybe spaghetti

LemmeSmash: Im coming over bitch we gonn throw hands

LemmeSmash: after some good spaghetti

Gaylien:O-okay

Pidgetti:did.

Pidgetti: did that just happen

MomFriend: I wanna come too :(

Pidgetti: Matt and I Shall Participate Too

Gaylien: heck why not

ShiroGONE:just dont make a mess when you come over

LemmeSmash: hEll yeah shiro said yes

Pidgetti: a squad meetup!!

ShiroGONE: I feel like im going to regret this

[8.45pm]

ShiroGONE: I Regret Everything

Olloro: lmao what did they do this time

Pidgetti: God's Work,You Heathens Just Dont Appreciate It

ShiroGONE: [Picture Of Them Standing And T-Posing On Chairs Surrounding The Pot On The Table.Jpeg]

Olloro: Im not sure why we're friends anymore

LemmeSmash: shut up you love us

Olloro: debatable

Pidgetti: tHE BETRAYAL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is always welcomed!


	2. wait,thats a bootycall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ya daily dose of Disaster Gays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning(s): calling each other hoes when Matt starts talking about barebacking demons(big mood).Please be careful when reading

LemmeSmash:Lance  
ShiroGONE: Shiro  
Gaylien: Keith  
Pidgetti:Pidge  
Olloro: Allura  
MomFriend:Hunk  
Mattaroni:Matt

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

[11.45pm]

LemmeSmash: keith has been officially demoted from his position as friends.

Gaylien: it was only _once_

LemmeSmash: one time too many,fool.

MomFriend: There Is No Peace For Even One Goddamn Day In This Hellhole

Pidgetti: proceed your storytelling,bean pole

LemmeSmash: I'll just ignore that

LemmeSmash: but everyone,let it be known that our homeboy keith here

LemmeSmash: sleeps fully clothed with _jeans and shoes on._

Gaylien: everyone does that!!

LemmeSmash: no,keith.they dont.

Pidgetti: _interesting_

Pidgetti: and how did you know?

Gaylien: he broke into my house.

LemmeSmash: no its called a friendly visit

Pidgetti: no thats called a bootycall

LemmeSmash: it is NOT

Gaylien: its only a bootycall if the person calls the other party though??

LemmSmash: you did dare me to break into your house during dinner

Olloro: lance,sweetie.

Olloro: look at what you just typed

ShiroGONE: he did _what_

 _LemmeSmash:_ __Lance has gone offline!!!_ _

Gaylien: [ Lance Hiding Under Keiths Bed.Jpeg]

Gaylien: Rip

Mattaroni: Bi boiii

Gaylien:[Video clip of lance high pitch yelling while scrambling out from under the bed as shiro approaches]

Pidgetti: I love this give me more blackmail material

Olloro: HAHAHAHA

Mattaroni: lance? idk him

 

Pidgetti>>>Gaylien

Pidgetti: this is the guy youre head over heels for

Gaylien: shut up you gremlin its cute

Pidgetti: whipped

 

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

LemmeSmash: yall are so MEAN WE'RE NO LONGER FRIENDS ANYMORE

MomFriend: :(

LemmeSmash: except u hunk ily <3

MomFriend: :D!! <3

Gaylien: in all honesty,its impressive

Gaylien: my rooms on the second floor

Pidgetti: he's a bendy,sticky boi

Gaylien: could you have not worded it this weirdly

Gaylien: just say that hes like spiderman omfg

Pidgetti: No

Olloro: oh

Olloro: lance is still alive

LemmeSmash: wHy do you sound so disappointed

Gaylien: he locked himself in the toilet lmao

Gaylien: shiros banging on the door asking him to open up

LemmeSmash: No thx.Havent you seen shiro? he could snap me in half

MomFriend: true,but its gonna take a lot more for him to get angry

Gaylien: true

Gaylien: shiro just facepalmed and gave up hahaha

LemmeSmash: disappointing people is my talent

LemmeSmash: hell yeah its like im in spy kids

Pidgetti: except very less graceful and dignified

Gaylien: spy kids?

LemmeSmash: you dont know??

Gaylien: no

LemmeSmash: bitch that was my childhood.We gonn marathon it NOW

Gaylien: Okay?…

_Pidgetti added ShiroGONE,Olloro and MomFriend to Klance Klance Operation!_

_**Klance Klance Operation** _

Pidgetti: hello my bitches

Pidgetti: we are gathered here to put together two clueless fools

MomFriend: thank god Im not the only one who noticed

Olloro: wheres matt?

Pidgetti: Gone.

ShiroGONE: oh my god I wont have to suffer keiths constant whining alone anymore

ShiroGONE: there hasnt been a single day keith hasnt yelled at me about lance since freshmen year

Olloro: lance too

Pidgetti: so,I have an idea to propose

ShiroGONE: pidge,we shouldnt meddle

Pidgetti: _/mute user [ShiroGONE]_

Pidgetti: as I was saying,we should shove them into a closet and lock them in there

MomFriend: thats a little too extreme

MomFriend: how bout we just try to nudge them together subtly?

Pidgetti: alrighty then,sounds reasonable enough

Pidgetti: project K.I.C.K is a go!

Olloro: kick?

Pidgetti: Klance Is Canon King

 _Olloro_ _changed Klance Klance Operation to Klance Is Canon King!_

Pidgetti:(☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞

Olloro: (⌐■_■)

 

_**The Unofficial Gaygenda** _

[2am]

Mattaroni: why do I feel like someone is making plans to matchmake _without me_

[12.30pm]

Pidgetti: stfu pale bean pole are you high again

LemmeSmash: _hey_! I thought _I_ was the bean pole here

Pidgetti: yes,but matt is the white version

Mattatoni: w h Ite v ERSION

LemmeSmash: Its true im matt's secret cuban twin brother

Pidgetti: please no.I already cant stand having one meme brother.another one would be hell

Mattaroni: pidge youre a meme fuck too bitch tf

LemmeSmash: forsakened by yet another family

MomFriend: bro we talked about this…

Gaylien: yall really got nothing better to do than blow up this chat huh

_Mattaroni changed Gaylien's username to TexasYeehaw!_

TexasYeehaw: I live in texas for 2 years and this is what I get

LemmeSmash: to be fair,you do use texan slang often

TexasYeehaw: I dont wanna hear this from a dude with "LemmeSmash" as his username

LemmeSmash: its purely ironic thanks!!

LemmeSmash: and I dont wanna hear that from a guy with "TexasYeehaw" as his username

_Pidgetti changed LemmeSmash's username to LemmeSmashKeith!_

Pidgetti: There.

Pidgetti: no longer ironic

LemmeSmashKeith: pIdge!!

 

MomFriend>>>Pidgetti

MomFriend: that was really not subtle

Pidgetti: i am not a subtle person

 

TexasYeehaw>>>ShiroGONE

TexasYeehaw: what does that mEAN

TexasYeehaw: SHRO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN AAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

_**The Unofficial Gaygenda** _

_LemmeSmashKeith changed their username to (Bi)tter_ _!_

_(Bi)tter changed Pidgetti's username to Midgetti!_

(Bi)tter: better

TexasYeehaw: finally a username that reflects her

Midgetti: thats fair

Mattaroni: wheres shirt??

Mattaroni: shiro*

Mattaroni: hed usually come at us about how we're the cause of his graying hair by now

(Bi)tter: I guess you could say he's shiroGONE AYY (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞

TexasYeehaw: thats so lame wtf

 

TexasYeehaw>>>Midgetti

TexasYeehaw: that was so CUTE wtf??? Excuse who gave him the right to be so lame but still so cutE??¿¿?¿?¿¿

TexasYeehaw: _KermitWithHeartEyes.Jpeg_

Midgetti: omfg just suck his dick im too tired to deal with this today go bother shiro

TexasYeehaw: wh

TexasYeehaw: wHATS WRONG WITH YOU

Midgetti: *looks into the camera like im in The Office*

 

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

_Midgetti changed ShiroGONE's username to shirt!_

_Midgetti unmuted user [shirt]!_

Mattaroni: I make oNE mistake

(Bi)tter: welcome to the club

Mattaroni: *wipes tear* brO

shirt: why is this godforsakened chat the first thing I wake up to

Mattaroni: there it is

Mattaroni: I would be lost without His daily reminder

Olloro: @TexasYeehaw @(Bi)tter dont you guys have a lab to clean

(Bi)tter: we've finished up for the day lol goin home

 

Midgetti>>>(Bi)tter

Midgetti: [Keith and Lance Cuddling.Jpeg]

Midgetti: I Smell Lies

(Bi)tter: what the fuck pidge

Midgetti: i wont expose you,for a price

(Bi)tter: what do you want,goblin

Midgetti: a favor.

(Bi)tter: *insert 'okay' filled with hesitation and possibly regret*

Midgetti: (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

(Bi)tter: _*fear_

 

**_Klance Is Canon King_ **

Midgetti: [Same Pic Of Keith And Lance Cuddling.jpeg]

Midgetti: [Screenshot420.jpeg]

Midgetti: hey yAll,

Midgetti: I got some klance content

Olloro: those lyin fucks

MomFriend: why is my bestfriend the densest mf ive seen

Midgetti: you have my condolences,hunketh

Olloro:"I wont expose you" - Pidge

Midgetti: Shut Up Its For The Sake Of Klance

Olloro: understandable have a nice day

 

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

(Bi)tter: wait.

(Bi)tter: i just realised I didnt add matt when this hellhole was made how tf is he here

Mattaroni: I saw the gremlin texting,leaned over her shoulder aaand

Mattaroni: saw this burning pit filled with my friends and invited myself in uwu

(Bi)tter: an omen that you'll join us when we're all in hell

Mattaroni: yeah,with my sugar daddy demon

MomFriend: your what now

Mattaroni: just imagine my hunketh,,,

Mattaroni: having your back blown by one of their own and arriving to the gates of hell surrounded by sobbing peasants while you walk into the arms of ya sugar daddy

Olloro: *delicate gasp*

Olloro: same

 

Midgetti>>>Mattaroni

Midgetti: are you sure it wasnt bc you saw keith was here  
( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)

Mattaroni: Yes It Was And Im Not Ashamed To Admit It

Midgetti: Geddit my fave hoe<3

Mattaroni:( ◐O◐ ) a rare supportive pidge<3

Midgetti:stfu u pale beanpole </3

Mattaroni: :)

 

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

MomFriend: allura the secret hoe

(Bi)tter: secret? I think not,homewrecker

Olloro: I sleep with a married man oNCE and this is the slander I get

Shirt: alLURA??????

Olloro: I see what I like and I Go For It _unlike someone_

Olloro: not like you have any room to say,McClain

(Bi)tter: oKAY STEVE WAS ONLY 26 NOT THAT OLD

Olloro: _and had a fiance_

(Bi)tter: _not anymore after I was done with him_

MomFriend: im crYing is everyone here secretly a hoe?

Midgetti: Yes.

Shirt: im-

Shirt: I

Shirt: ....

Mattaroni:its alright sweetie take your time

Midgetti: I think yall broke him with your thotiness

(Bi)tter: we're Thots Level Supreme (⌐■_■)

Olloro: (⌐■_■)

TexasYeehaw: whats a thot

(Bi)tter: well hello to you too lurker

TexasYeehaw: also is no one going to comment on allura and matt's willingness to fuck a demon

Olloro:says the mothman fucker

TexasYeehaw: I Came Out Here To Have A Good Time And Im Honestly Feeling So Attacked Rn

Mattaroni: I'll show you a good time

TexasYeehaw: are

TexasYeehaw: are you threatening me or flirting with me?

Mattaroni: Yes

Midgetti: disaster gays,all of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will Klatt (klance+matt) be canon uwu?
> 
> (ʘ‿ʘ✿) stay tuned to find out.
> 
> just clarifying,pidge ISNT in any way setting matt up and leading him with hope that keith would like him back.She ships klance,yes.But she also wholeheartedly respects her brother's feelings and wants to find out if lance and keith feels the same for him as well.


	3. texas THIRST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> s8 destroyed me yall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning(s): none from what i can tell

(Bi)tter:Lance  
Shito: Shiro  
TexasYeehaw: Keith  
Midgetti:Pidge  
Olloro: Allura  
MomFriend:Hunk  
Mattaroni:Matt

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

[10.30pm]

Shirt: can someone please change my name

_Mattaroni changed Shirt's username to Shito!_

Shito: is this really any better

TexasYeehaw: it shows how youre shiro,but also a piece of shit so yes

Shito: I shouldve left you on that streetcorner where youre standing

Mattaroni: the texas emo cowboy brother is on my side ( UwU✿)

TexasYeehaw: why is everyone so obsessed with my living in texas

(Bi)tter: its the place where farmers yell about their trucks and beer

TexasYeehaw: then what about the cowboy part?

Mattaroni: Super Gay™

TexasYeehaw: okay thats fair

(Bi)tter: hey guys quick qn

MomFriend: itd better be about how to scrub off the dicks youve painted on my ceiling

Midgetti: im not surprised

Olloro: Just Lance Things™

MomFriend: woah I forgot alluras here lmao

Olloro: I last texted this sinhouse literal hOurs ago will yall even remember me when im dead  
(;´༎ຶ益༎ຶ')

Midgetti: no

Olloro: :(

(Bi)tter: I would

Olloro: !!!

Olloro: Friendship Ended With Gremlin,Cowboy,Dad 2.0,Stickman And Hunk

Olloro: Burnt Stick Is Now My New BFF (⌐■_■)/ \\(⌐■_■)

MomFriend: good

MomFriend: now tell him to scrub the dicks off my ceiling

(Bi)tter: hUuunk youre supposed to fight for my bff status

MomFriend: my will to fight for it was evoked the moment you thought painting dicks on my ceiling was a good idea

(Bi)tter: :(

(Bi)tter: whatever keiths my new bf i guess >:(

TexasYeehaw: I did not consent to this

(Bi)tter: BFF****

Midgetti: _sure_

(Bi)tter: we're just bros bein dudes

MomFriend: thats what you said about max and you guys hooked up not 1 week later

(Bi)tter: _just bros bein dudes_

Mattaroni: dudes bein guys

Midgetti: I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going

Shito: entering this gc with no context is such a wild experience

[4.20am]

(Bi)tter: why do I keep dreaming about keith getting together with shrek

(Bi)tter: like its not even a one time dream they coNTINUE

(Bi)tter: I havent been able to get good sleep for a week now coffee is my new blood

 

**_Klance Is Canon King_ **

Midgetti: you ever couldnt sleep bc you keep having nightmares that your crush has the hots for shrek for a week straight (hah)

Midgetti: bc thats exactly lance rn @[Groupchat]:'The Unofficial Gaygenda'

Olloro: HAHAHA OMG

Olloro: I cant believe we share the same blood

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

TexasYeehaw: lance what the fuck

(Bi)tter: what the yeeheck*

Midgetti: the question is,is shrek even gay

(Bi)tter: no he loved fiona hes bi

Midgetti: did he truly love fiona? or was it a coverup hmm? ( ◐ω◐ )

(Bi)tter: oH.MY.GOD

(Bi)tter: but who would he even show interest in?

Midgetti: idk maybe donkey

(Bi)tter: didnt donkey already get together with that dragon lady?

Midgetti: *cue sad shrek pining over a taken guy

Mattaroni: I still cant believe that donkey got together with a dragon

Mattaroni: they even have babies!! how did it even happened????

Midgetti: stOP I dont want this image in my head

(Bi)tter: AHA

(Bi)tter: what if its prince charming?

Olloro: this…

Olloro: this changes everything

MomFriend: hey all :)))

(Bi)tter: whoops gn!!!!!

MomFriend: discuss who shrek wants to bone in the morning now _stfu and sleep_ :))))))

Olloro: O-okay…

MomFriend: **_Good._**

 

TexasYeehaw>>>Shito

TexasYeehaw: shiro what does it mean when lance dreams about shrek being with me

TexasYeehaw: shiro blease

Shito: keith,my dear baby brother.

Shito: do I look like I know

TexasYeehaw: no u mostly just look dead

Shito: I wish I were

TexasYeehaw: yaint alone

Shito: /block user [TexasYeehaw]

TexasYeehaw: :(

TexasYeehaw: this is betra _y'all (̿▀̿ ̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)̄_

TexasYeehaw: but srsly tho shiro youd better unblock me

TexasYeehaw: shiro?

TexasYeehaw: SHIRO

 

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

[7am]

(Bi)tter: yaint escaping my shrek discourse

(Bi)tter: rise my bitches

(Bi)tter: _rise_

Mattaroni: I have risen my lord

Midgetti: so ur lances bitch huh

Mattaroni: no im keiths

TexasYeehaw: hi wat in tarnation

Olloro: The Gay Is Strong This Morning

TexasYeehaw: no the og gay isnt here yet

(Bi)tter: WHOMST

TexasYeehaw: my bitch ass brother

Shito: I guess you are what you eat

_TexasYeehaw removed Shito!_

TexasYeehaw: no more.

Mattaroni: the evil is defeated

Midgetti: fOOL

Midgetti: without our Dad 2.0,who will tell us to eat and bathe?

Mattaroni: shit u rite

(Bi)tter: you holts really suck at taking care of yourselves

Mattaroni: thats not the only thing I suck

_Midgetti removed Mattaroni!_

Midgetti: No

TexasYeehaw: welcome to the club

 

Mattaroni>>>Midgetti

Mattaroni: katie

Mattaroni: add me back :(

Midgetti: not after youre done sinning,heathen.

Mattaroni: thats after i die

Midgetti: exactly.

 

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

[10.45am]

_MomFriend added Shito and Mattaroni!_

Mattaroni: hunk is a god among common men

(Bi)tter: seconded

Olloro: thirded

TexasYeehaw: fourded

Midgetti: fiveded

Shito: I agree

MomFriend: aww thanks guys

Mattaroni: anyone else wanna know if lance has managed to scrub the dicks off of hunk's ceiling

MomFriend: hes over at my house scrubbing it rn

MomFriend: [Vid Of Lance On A Ladder Scrubbing Intensely.Jpeg]

 

TexasYeehaw>>>Midgetti

TexasYeehaw: pIDGE

Midgetti: here we go again,big gay

TexasYeehaw: look at hIS LEGS

Midgetti: just say ass its okay im 17

TexasYeehaw: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

TexasYeehaw: we should kill him.Hes too cute for this world so we should kill him

Midgetti: im down for it

Midgetti: he stole my last gogurt 2 years ago he has this coming

 

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

Olloro: thats alot of dicks wth how did he do that without you noticing

MomFriend: we were marathoning movies and I fell asleep

MomFriend: the next thing I knew im faced with a ceiling full of colourful,crudely drawn dicks.

Mattaroni: a beautiful love story

(Bi)tter: see? only matt appreciates me here

Midgetti: thats cuz you both are meme fucks

Midgetti: anyways im coming over with keith be there in 10 mins

TexasYeehaw: wat

Mattaroni: im coming too

Midgetti>>>Mattaroni

Midgetti: ????

Midgetti: dont u have a shit ton of assignments?

Mattaroni: yeah but I have something I need to do there

Midgetti: at hunks house??

Mattaroni: yeah

Midgetti: ok ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)

 

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

Olloro: matt practically teLEPORTED to hunks house the moment he heard keith was there lmao

Olloro: I wonder why

TexasYeehaw: probably bc we havent seen each other in a while? idk

Midgetti: I Will Stab Myself With A Fork If This Continues

Olloro: same

TexasYeehaw: ???

 

Olloro>>>Midgetti

Olloro: pidge does matt have feelings for keith?

Olloro: I dont want to overstep my boundaries and make assumptions…but I noticed Some Things

Midgetti: oh thank god you noticed it

Olloro: he was being quite…obvious at this point

Midgetti: _right_!?!

Olloro: oh! is that why you didnt add matt to our klance group?

Midgetti: yup

Olloro: anyways,im over at hunks house at the moment

Olloro: should we set them up

Midgetti: I cant take his painful attempts at flirting anymore so yes

Olloro: wait

Olloro: but,,what about klance?

Midgetti: allura have you heard of a polyamorous relationship

Olloro: is it when a relationship consists of more than two partners?

Midgetti: right.Im trying to think of a way for the three of them to work

Olloro: but does lance and matt like each other?

Midgetti: all of this depends on how willing to share lance and matt are

Olloro: thats a big oof chief

Midgetti: I cant believe I,a pure and innocent teen ace have to matchmake 3 meme losers why is this my life

 

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

Shito: keith hasnt had my permission to go yet?

TexasYeehaw: I dont need your permission!

(Bi)tter: dont yell at him his fragile bones cant take it

Shito: im only 22 I dont deserve this

TexasYeehaw: you turned 47 the moment you decided to dye your hair white

Shito: :(

Shito: fine you can go

TexasYeehaw:  (￣ω￣)

Mattaroni: local yeehaw man insulted his guardian to get his way more at 5

TexasYeehaw: its my talent

Shito: this is what I have to deal with on a daily basis end me

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just the beginning of the story so please be patient if some of the tags dont appear in the story,im still building this story up hehe
> 
> sorry if im overusing the meme texan slang too much I actually type like this lmao it started out ironic but like,,,suddenly its not


	4. lance's secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy twenty Bi-teen 
> 
> sorry for the late update I was overseas lol and also I have a family situation where we dont have internet at our house oof have a 3.3k chapter with Development™ as an apology (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning(s): pidge and shiro talking about suicide when matt being a bottom was discussed and Keith talking about stabbing himself after he got out of Hunk's house ;;) Be careful reading!

(Bi)tter:Lance  
Shito: Shiro  
TexasYeehaw: Keith  
Pidgetti:Pidge  
Olloro: Allura  
MomFriend:Hunk  
Mattaroni:Matt

TexasYeehaw>>>MomFriend

TexasYeehaw: hey hunk

TexasYeehaw: whos the two girls on the couch??

MomFriend: oh thats nyma and shay

TexasYeehaw: whomst?

MomFriend: theyre our group members for thaces science project

TexasYeehaw: oh

TexasYeehaw: ok

 

Midgetti>>>Olloro

Midgetti: you didnt tell me there were others??

Olloro: I didnt know they were coming either

Olloro: they just,,,appeared

Midgetti: oof

Midgetti: so,whos the one with long blonde hair and why is she clinging onto lance like that

Olloro: thats nyma and I think they like each other??

Midgetti: well shit

Olloro: my thoughts exactly

 

Midgetti>>>TexasYeehaw

Midgetti: hey

Midgetti: you okay?

TexasYeehaw: yeah im just

TexasYeehaw: tired

Midgetti: im here to listen if you need anything,okay?

TexasYeehaw: yeah thanks

 

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

Olloro: @MomFriend GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE YOUR MICROWAVE IS ON FIRE

Midgetti: wOW FOR ONCE I DIDNT PLAN THIS CHAOS

Olloro: UH CAN SOMEONE STOP KEITH

Olloro: DO WE CALL SHIRO??

Olloro: @Shirt!!

Olloro: @Shirt IF YOU DONT COME HERE NOW I WILL CUT YOUR CLOTHES

Shirt: well fuck me in the ass with a cactus

(Bi)tter: gladly

Midgetti: thats gay

(Bi)tter: youre gay

Midgetti: o shit u rite

(Bi)tter: is the loch ness gay?

Midgetti: hopefully :(

Olloro: can we all focus on the more important issue,like the one currently burning in hunks kitchen

(Bi)tter: oooooh yeAh that

(Bi)tter: I honestly forgot about that

Olloro: bitch how

Olloro: its right infront of you

(Bi)tter: adhd is a bitch

Shirt: wheres hunk?

Olloro: out buyin stuff

Shirt: try putting it out with by covering it and whacking it with a piece of fabric

Shirt: or you could just pour water on it

Olloro: Shiro,The Only Sensible Fuck Here

Mattaroni: okay,I was late just by 10 minutes and

Mattaroni: can someone tell me why is it that the first thing I see when i walk into the house is a microwave on fire and keith curled on the floor crying holding a melted spatula

Olloro: keith and pidge tried to cook

Olloro: keyword tried

Midgetti: theres a reason why we both eat nothing but cup noodles

Olloro: it caught on fire then keith tried to put out the fire with the spatula he was holding bc Panic Mode

Olloro: he bEAT the microwave with it,it melted and he just gave up

(Bi)tter: highkey a really keith thing to try to punch the fire away

Midgetti: shut up your fuck you didnt try to help him at all

(Bi)tter: its fun to watch your friend beat a microwave on fire while they panic

Mattaroni: hes got a point

MomFriend: easy for you guys to say when its not your microwave he's beating

MomFriend: my moms are gonna kill me

Midgetti: oof shit

(Bi)tter: uh

Mattaroni: we could cash in money collectively for a new microwave?

TexasYeehaw: I'll pay for it

TexasYeehaw: sorry for that

Midgetti: me too

MomFriend: its alright just dont light things in my house on fire anymore

(Bi)tter: done crying on the floor you disaster gay?

TexasYeehaw: fuck off lance.

_TexasYeehaw has left the chat!_

Olloro: what the fuck just happened

Mattaroni:lance what did you do.

Mattaroni: if you hurt him I s2g

(Bi)tter: I didnt do anything???

Olloro: oh no

Midgetti: dont worry about it lance

Midgetti: just leave him to me

 

Midgetti>>>TexasYeehaw

Midgetti: dude u ok

TexasYeehaw: no.

Midgetti: can you unlock the bathroom door

TexasYeehaw: no

Midgetti: i'll give you a gogurt

TexasYeehaw: no

Midgetti: i'll give you _two_ gogurts

TexasYeehaw: …

TexasYeehaw: ok

Midgetti: sweet

Midgetti: so,,,

Midgetti: im guessing you sobbing on the floor wasnt bc of the fire

TexasYeehaw: why are you texting me? We're literally right beside each other

Midgetti: didnt wanna break the silence.also you suck at rl social interaction

Midgetti: hehe suck

TexasYeehaw: ugh pidge im so sorry

TexasYeehaw: im just.

TexasYeehaw: I dont know what came over me

TexasYeehaw: seeing nyma and lance like _that_ really hurt

TexasYeehaw: I guess a small part of me hoped that _the_ lance mcclain might like me back??

TexasYeehaw: and I got angry at myself for stupidly hoping and lashed out

Midgetti: its not stupid,what you feel is pretty damn understandable.Youre allowed to feel things,keith.Its called being human

Midgetti: and for fucks sake,if lance doesnt realize your feelings for him then honestly lance can go fuck himself.You deserve someone who returns all the love you give.You out of everyone I know deserve it the most

Midgetti: but you should reserve that apology for lance he didnt exactly do anything

Midgetti: also sorry that my attempt to cheer you up indirectly ended up with the microwave bursting in flames

TexasYeehaw: I dont exactly believe I deserve anything.But,im working on it

TexasYeehaw: thanks

TexasYeehaw: and all is forgiven if you order takeout

Midgetti: on it!

 

_**The Unofficial Gaygenda** _

_Midgetti added TexasYeehaw!_

(Bi)tter: oh look the runaway is back.

Midgetti: give him a break shits been rough on him

(Bi)tter: know what else is rough? _being told off by your friend for something youre not sure what you did_

Mattaroni: _lance._

TexasYeehaw: its alright,I kinda deserved that

TexasYeehaw: sorry I lashed out.Things have been kinda…shitty

TexasYeehaw: ugh I know it doesnt excuse what i did and uh

TexasYeehaw: im sorry

(Bi)tter: whats that? I couldnt hear you clearly

MomFriend: dude dont be an ass 눈_눈

(Bi)tter: alright yeah its okay

Midgetti: now thats resolved,

Midgetti: I ordered takeout!

Olloro: is it chinese?

Midgetti: hell yeah

Mattaroni: whoop lets watch a movie

Midgetti: I GET DIBS

Mattaroni: I GE

Mattaroni: gOD DAMMIT

Midgetti: HAHAHA

 

Mattaroni>>>TexasYeehaw

Mattaroni: hey

Mattaroni: you ok?

TexasYeehaw: yeah,just have a lot going on

Mattaroni: I hope whatever it is lightens up,you deserve so much

TexasYeehaw: I dont really think so,but thank you

Mattaroni: anyways wanna compare our notes about mothman and nessie?

TexasYeehaw: yes!!!

·  
·  
·  
[Timeskip]  
·  
·  
·  
·

Midgetti>>>Mattaroni

Midgetti: so,who're you cuddling there ( ◐ω◐ )

Mattaroni: the Love Of My Life

Midgetti: im p sure its been at least 2 days since hes last slept

Mattaroni: I thank the god that made keith lean on me what a blessing

Mattaroni: hes so cute even when hes sleeping

Mattaroni: what a soff boi (UoU✿)

Midgetti: hes gotten into fights people twice his size and won

Mattaroni: hot (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

Midgetti: ew

Midgetti: just dont jolt him awake he'll punch you from reflex

Mattaroni: _bone me raw local knife boy_

Midgetti: suddenly I dont know anyone by the name matt

 

_**The Unofficial Gaygenda** _

(Bi)tter: hey all that was a good movie also hunk likes shay

Olloro: what

MomFriend: lANCE

(Bi)tter: im pretty sure everyone knows by now

Olloro: awwww

Olloro: you guys would make such a sweet couple!

Midgetti: yeah,I barely know shay but she seems like such a sweet and gentle girl

Midgetti: also shes strong enough to benchpress me so,,,

Midgetti: if I werent gay for giant sword ladies I wouldve totally fell in love with her

TexasYeehaw: you should try asking her out,she seems good for you

MomFriend: aww stop it im blushing

MomFriend: but what if she doesnt like me back?? I mean,wont it be awkward bc we still are in thesamegroupfortheprojectoelwjsns

(Bi)tter: hunk,breathe

(Bi)tter: start with small steps,alright?

MomFriend: okay oof

MomFriend: also are you really in position to say anything? you seem pretty fixated with nyma

(Bi)tter: tHATS DIFFERENT OKAY SHES JUST V PRETTY

MomFriend: hmm sure

Midgetti: sniff sniff

Midgetti: you smell that

(Bi)tter: what??

Midgetti: too much heterosexuality in this air

(Bi)tter: ok first of all Hunk and I are bi

(Bi)tter: get with the programme

(Bi)tter: secondly,im adding shay here

Midgetti: No We Must Test Her First

Olloro: test her for??

Midgetti: to see if she can survive the company of us satan spawns

Mattaroni: we need to ease her into our company

MomFriend: why do you guys sound like youre planning on ways to corrupt her so she'll become One Of Us

Midgetti: bold of you to assume we're not (亝ω亝｡)

MomFriend: Please Dont

Midgetti: your words cant stop me

MomFriend: I wont give you any baked goods I make anymore

Midgetti: *some of your words can stop me

MomFriend: thats better

Olloro: heres an idea how bout we NOT scare her with our overwhelming possie

Midgetti: hehe possie

MomFriend: let her get used to our presence first please

(Bi)tter:alrighty,you win this round

(Bi)tter: but I get teasing rights forever,even after you guys get married

MomFriend: hol up a minute

MomFriend: who said anything about MARRIAGES

(Bi)tter: my future-telling skills

MomFriend: last time you predicted that mothman would come get you and fly off

(Bi)tter: sHUT UP IT WAS FINALS WEEK

Midgetti: ahh yes,finals week

TexasYeehaw: stay away from my mans bitch

TexasYeehaw: the only person mothmans ever gonna take off with in his big,strong arms would be _me_

(Bi)tter: excuse it was under the assumption that he was gonna hurt me

TexasYeehaw: mothman is a very good person thanks!!!!! he wont ever hurt you

(Bi)tter: and how would _you_ know??

TexasYeehaw: extensive research,fool.

Midgetti: is no one gonna question how lance knew who mothman was

(Bi)tter: keith constantly talks about him???

Midgetti: we all werent friends until sophomore year,lance

_(Bi)tter has left the groupchat!_

TexasYeehaw: GET BACK HERE

Midgetti: I'll corner him.keith you grab him when he tries to jump out the window

TexasYeehaw: on it

Shito: …

Mattaroni: weve disappointed Father yet again

Midgetti: forgive me daddy,for I have sinned

Shito has left the groupchat!

Olloro: now look what youve done

 

TexasYeehaw>>>(Bi)tter

TexasYeehaw: what do you know about the entities known as cryptids

(Bi)tter: ✔✔ Read at 7.45pm

TexasYeehaw: you cant run away forever,lance.

TexasYeehaw: we will get you in time.

 

Midgetti>>>(Bi)tter

Midgetti: SURRENDER BITCH

(Bi)tter:NEVERJAJWNDNMLKNSNAdx.":jsksmnqq1p10193848qj

(Bi)tter: gottem

 

**_The Unofficial Gaygenda_ **

_Midgetti added user Shito to the groupchat!_

Midgetti: youre not escaping us this easily

Midgetti: [Vid of Lance Telling Pidge How He Knew Mothman.mp4]

(Bi)tter: MY SINS,,,,THEYVE BEEN RECORDED

Midgetti: whats new

Olloro: "I saw mothman x keith doodled on his notebook and thought it was a code name for someone but when i googled it I saw photos of a terrifying giant moth dude and I was so confused"

Olloro: honestly same

Shito: finally someone mentions how weird it is for keith to be infatuated for a giant moth dude??

TexasYeehaw: hello 911,im being kinkshamed

Shito: ive been in the dark too long,hiding my opinion from the fear of being attacked by pidge

Midgetti: Hello,Shiro. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

Shito: oh shit

Mattaroni: rip boii

(Bi)tter: rest in penises

_TexasYeehaw removed user (Bi)tter from the groupchat!_

Olloro: STOP REMOVING LANCE FOR BEING PROBLEMATIC

TexasYeehaw: meet me in the pit

_Olloro added (Bi)tter to the groupchat!_

 

 

(Bi)tter: tHAT WAS SO UNCALLED FOR 

(Bi)tter: I DEDICATE MY LIFE TO OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET???

Olloro: you,an avid sinner with your questionable kinks and activities, dedicating your life to god?

(Bi)tter: im a good holy boy O : )

TexasYeehaw: you literally crumbled cheetos into water and told me it was orange juice 30 minutes ago

Olloro:you came to a family gathering high once and convinced our neices and nephews that barney is a government propaganda to brainwash kids

(Bi)tter: *most of the time

Midgetti: **never

(Bi)tter: fine!

(Bi)tter: im a slut looking to please god every moment

MomFriend: _no stop thats worse_

Olloro: im sending this to veronica

(Bi)tter: **NO**

 

Olloro>>>Vewonica

Olloro: [screenshot666.jpeg]

Olloro: why is he our brother again

Vewonica: I dont have a brother.

Olloro: HAHAHA

 

Vewonica>>>(Bi)tter

Vewonica:  
╲┏━┳━━━━━━━━┓╲╲  
╲┃◯┃╭┻┻╮╭┻┻╮┃╲╲  
╲┃╮┃┃╭╮┃┃╭╮┃┃╲╲  
╲┃╯┃┗┻┻┛┗┻┻┻┻╮╲  
╲┃◯┃╭╮╰╯┏━━━┳╯╲  
╲┃╭┃╰┏┳┳┳┳┓◯┃╲╲  
╲┃╰┃◯╰┗┛┗┛╯╭┃╲╲  
DO YOU FEEL THE WEIGHT OF YOUR SINS NOW MR KRABS

(Bi)tter: nO WHY ALLURA

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

(Bi)tter: I hereby decide to remove myself from the altea-mcclain family

Olloro: no bih come back :(

(Bi)tter: tis too late.

Midgetti: bye bitch

(Bi)tter: r00d

Midgetti: change of subject,I just realised the older I get the gayer I become

Midgetti:  
Year 2015:Hell yeah allies! Year 2016:Okay whoa girls are kinda cute. Year 2017:Im not gay am i??? Year 2018:gaygaygaygaygay

(Bi)tter:Like,literally same but with boys

TexasYeehaw: 3 days old me:gAy

Mattaroni: My sorry 16 year old ass in denial:hahaha man,i really look up to him! hes just so cool,awesome and badass and cute wow I want him to hold me and protect me haha no homo

Mattaroni: *wakes up in cold sweat 3 years later* _yes homo_

 

Midgetti>>>Mattaroni

Midgetti: ooOooo

Midgetti: is that keEeith

Mattaroni: nOOo

Midgetti: wait.

Midgetti: I cant believe it

Mattaroni: ???

Midgetti: youve had a crush on keith since you were **_16_**???? HAHAHAHAHA OMG

Mattaroni: sHUT UP SHUT UP

Midgetti: Im just.wow.youre a bigger idiot than I thought

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

Olloro: BIG MOOD

(Bi)tter: thats some Bottom Energy there

Midgetti: excuse thats my brother youre talking about

Mattaroni: ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)

Olloro: tbh it was already obvious

Olloro: something about his aura

Midgetti: I request you all to Stop

TexasYeehaw: dont you mean yall

Midgetti: im gonna death myself now

Shito: that makes the two of us

MomFriend: please death somewhere else

MomFriend: dont taint my blessed household

Midgetti: fine i'll death myself at my enemys doorstep to forever traumatise them

(Bi)tter: that is a big mood chief

Olloro: why do you young uns like to die so much

Midgetti: the crushing phsychological weight from the stress of existing in this world

(Bi)tter: @Olloro binch you told me a few days ago you wanted to die when romelle didnt reply in 1 hour

MomFriend: #Exposed

Midgetti: wait,romelle? as in the one with a weird blue tattoo under her eyes

Olloro: yes,that would be her

Olloro: you know her?

Midgetti: shes my old neighbour

Olloro: hwUh?

(Bi)tter: PLOT TWIST

Olloro: ah

Olloro: so youre the one who tried to stuff a lobster under her door

Midgetti: I WAS 9 AND SHE WAS SAD I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO PEOPLE AND SHE SAID SHE LIKED EATING LOBSTER

Olloro: not live ones thats foshure

Midgetti: I will bite off your fingers the next time I meet you,allura.

Olloro: ok but have you considered this:I am a big tall women

Midgetti: …

Midgetti: you got me there

TexasYeehaw: smh pidge you useless lesbian

(Bi)tter: keith,my dude

(Bi)tter: i dunno how to say this to you but,,,

(Bi)tter: you want to bone mothman

TexasYeehaw: and whats wrong with that?

(Bi)tter: _everything._

 

Midgetti>>>Olloro

Midgetti: have you seen matt

Midgetti: where is my useless disaster brother

Olloro: he went out around 10 mins ago

Olloro: said he had to pick up something

Midgetti: _interesting_

_\-------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Keith was about put down his phone,refusing to be kinkshamed when he heard a ding.What displayed on the screen was a text from Matt.Quirking his eyebrow,he clicked on the notification,expecting some meme to be sent to him.He was friends with the biggest vine and memes fanatics after all.They have at one point,roped him into one of their reenactment of a vine.Keith shuddered,willing the memory of being dressed up as a banana to perish. _Begone,thought._

_\-------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Mattaroni>>>TexasYeehaw

Mattaroni: hey

Mattaroni: you busy?

TexasYeehaw: not really

TexasYeehaw: kinda about to go home its getting late

Mattaroni: great!

Mattaroni: can you meet me at hunks backyard

TexasYeehaw: okay?

TexasYeehaw: but why

Mattaroni: thats a secret ;)

TexasYeehaw: I Am Suddenly Afraid

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Keith narrowed his eyes in suspicion at that.Whatever this is,it had better not be a prank.He put on his jacket,effectively calling attention to himself.

"You're going home already?" Pidge quirked her head sideways with a calculated stare from the floor.They had moved the couches to the side,clearing the space for the squad to sit as they play monopoly.As expected,Pidge was winning.He expects there to be a few friendship breaks and crying after he's done with Matt.He looked around,but Nyma and Shay wasn't there.Guess they went back home already.

"No,just got something to do," Keith mumbled,uncomfortable by the attention.He fidgets with the sleeves of his jacket.

"well okay then." Pidge dragged out each of the words.She turned and shared a smile with Allura,who was seated beside her.

Well,that raised his suspicions that this is a prank by 120 percent.He has to cautious,Keith didn't know for sure what kind of pranks Matt would pull on him.

He stepped outside of Hunk's house,immediately missing the warmth of the sanctuary and sat on the porch.

He waited

 

 

aand waited.

 

3 minutes go by and he was prepared to go back in,not willing to freeze to death.He still has a certain moth-husband to find after all when he heard a rustle from the bushes a few feet away.Even in the dark,Keith could make out a giant man shaped shadow.It was too big to be any of his friends and he immediately unsheated his pocket knife,the metal gleaming in the moonlight.

"Who are you," He tightened the grip on his knife,poised and ready to attack.Keith has fought with men twice his size before and won't hesitate to do it again.He wont let harm come to his friends.

The giant shadow smoothly moved forward from the shadow and into the moonlight to reveal...

 

_Matt?_

 

 

In a giant moth costume.

 

 

With heelies on.

 

…

 

 

_What the fuck??_

 

" _Howdy,_ " Matt croaked out,after a good 20 seconds of staring at each other.

More silent staring.

"O-kay this is a lot different than how I rehearsed," Matt cleared his throat and wheelied closer to Keith.

"L-Look,I know I'm not Mothman and I'll never be half the husband material he is.But I just want you to give me a chance and I'll prove I'm worthy of being with someone as amazing as you," Matt squared up and faced Keith with the intensity of a thousand suns. "Would you go out on a date with me?"

"You…Like me?" was all Keith could manage.All of this still felt surreal.Maybe he should stab himself with his knife.Ya'know,to make sure it's real.

"Considering I did just put on this moth costume,wheelies and waited out here in the cold to ask you on a date,I'd say I like you a lot," Matt smiled. "And I have,for the longest time."

"Oh," Keith breathed out.It really is time for him to stab himself.Was he on drugs? He is,right?.He didn't know how to feel about this.Keith has never thought about Matt in a romantic context ever (maybe once,but that was it).They've been neighbours ever since he was 13,just newly adopted by the Shirogane family.Despite all this,he found himself caught in this new web of emotions for the ridiculous boy infront of him.

Keith realised he still hadn't answered this Maybe-Hallucination of his friend.

"Uh,,wow this,,yeah,sure," Keith felt his face heat up.Traitor.

" _Really?_ Heck yeah!! _"_ Matt cheered,pumping his fist in the sky in excitement and fell down in the process,forgetting that he was in a bulky moth costume with heelies on.

Keith smiled in amusement.Lance might not like him back,but Matt? he feels like theres a possibility of something beautiful to bloom.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: im gonna make it slowburn
> 
> Me,also not 4 chapters in and 4k words later: IMMA MAKE MATT CONFESS TO KEITH
> 
> also sorry if I respond late to comments it takes time for me to think of a reply bc im a shy piece of shit with social skills comparable to a loaf of stale bread
> 
> my art acc @ insta: qwerty_bleu


	5. a severe case of deace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No offence to anyone but I lowkey felt kinda shit when it wasnt well received once it wasnt entirely klance but honestly fuck it Imma do whatever the fuck I want this is my story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning(s) : None from what I can tell (please message me if there are any I missed out!)
> 
> Safe reading!

(Bi)tter:Lance  
Shito: Shiro  
TexasYeehaw: Keith  
Pidgetti:Pidge  
Olloro: Allura  
MomFriend:Hunk  
Mattaroni:Matt

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

Midgetti: why did keith just walk in with matt wearing that thing

Midgetti: what kind of weird foreplay is this

Olloro: an undiscovered kink? owo

MomFriend: _the purity of my backyard has been compromised_

Mattaroni: it is NOT

Midgetti: it IS

Mattaroni: not!

Midgetti: **IS**

Mattaroni: NOT

Olloro: ah

Olloro: I was wondering where matt went ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)

Mattaroni: alLURA NOT YOU TOO

 

Mattaroni>>>Midgetti

Mattaroni: pidge you little shit I know you saw what happened

Midgetti: I dont know what youre talking about  (U‿U✿)

Mattaroni: I literally saw your hair peeking out from the window smh

Midgetti: _I_ _dont know what youre talking about_

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

Olloro: sometimes I have a hard time believing you guys arent 12

Mattaroni: pidge is short enough to be one

Mattaroni: matts mental age is stunted enough to be one

Midgetti: !!!

Midgetti: u watch out fucker

Midgetti: sleep with your eyes open.

Mattaroni: excuse I qualified for that fancy international space school

Midgetti: that you rejected

Mattaroni: you dont understand,,,

Mattaroni: _never_ trust the government pidge

Mattaroni: if a mission went wrong and I got kidnapped by aliens theyd probably cover it up smh

(Bi)tter: I still want answers what matt n keith were doing

Midgetti: like I said,a weird foreplay session

Mattaroni: Stop That

TexasYeehaw: omfg he just asked me out for lunch okay stop making it a big deal

 

Midgetti>>>TexasYeehaw

Midgetti: a lUncH hmm

TexasYeehaw: I dont like what your texting style is trying to potray

Midgetti: good.

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

(Bi)tter: lol yeah sure how do you explain that weird moth costume

Mattaroni: its a mothman costume :(

Midgetti: so its a kinky foreplay session then.

Olloro: I didnt peg keith to be this kinky but I guess you learn now things everyday

TexasYeehaw: why are we talking about my kinks again

(Bi)tter: youre fun to pick apart

(Bi)tter: so many material to work with

_Mattaroni changed Midgetti's username to Bidge!_

Olloro: bidge?

Mattaroni: bitch+pidge= bidge

_Bidge changed Mattaroni's username to Matterbaby!_

Matterbaby: nO DONR FALL FOR IT

(Bi)tter: whats a matterbaby?

(Bi)tter:  WAIT NO

Bidge: HAHAHHAHAHA

Matterbaby: why would you exploit my name like this :(

Bidge: Rest In Deace

TexasYeehaw: dont u mean peace?

Bidge: DEACE NUTS

MomFriend: pidge really is on a roll today

TexasYeehaw: I dont get it?

Bidge: boiii

Olloro: everyone shut up your fuck

Olloro: nice try to redirect the convo matt,

Olloro: but what was it about a lunch with keith I hear?

Matterbaby: _gosh diddly darn youve caught me_

Bidge: please never say that again

Matterbaby: say what? OwO

Olloro: see! hes redirecting the convo again

Matterbaby: lol

MomFriend: oh!

MomFriend: you and keith?

MomFriend: aww thats so unexpected and cute!

TexasYeehaw: we're just going on a date why are you guys acting like were getting married

Shito: they grow up so fast

Shito: it only seemed like yesterday that keith stapled my arm because i tried to hug him

(Bi)tter: not surprised there

TexasYeehaw: shiro?

Shito: yes,dear brother of mine?

TexasYeehaw: you brought this on yourself.

Shito: wait,

TexasYeehaw: [Drunk Shiro Singing Karaoke a.k.a YOI Banquet Scene.mp4]

Shito: WAIT NO I TAKE IT BACK

TexasYeehaw: TOO LATE SHIRO,TOO LATE

MomFriend: would you look at that a time where shiro isnt the fun police

Bidge: ancient times

Olloro:  hes SMASHED as fUck what happened lmao

Shito: Im disowning you.

TexasYeehaw: ur not the first smh get in line

(Bi)tter: big mood

(Bi)tter: ooo good spank bank material

_Shito has left the groupchat!_

Olloro: this is like the 12th time this month lol

MomFriend: we should keep a tally

MomFriend: who can make shiro exit the most amount of times

Bidge: its definitely lance

(Bi)tter: its my talent

(Bi)tter: BESIDES SUCKING DI

Olloro: oof thats gotta hurts

Bidge: if I got tackled my hunk like that id probably break a rib

MomFriend: thats the price lance pays for saying dumb shit

(Bi)tter:  its okay my bones are strong im a growing boy who drinks a lot of a milk

Bidge: coming from you,it suspiciously sounds like an innuendo

(Bi)tter: ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)

(Bi)tter: _who says it isnt?_

Bidge: literally perish.

_Olloro added Shito to the groupchat!_

TexasYeehaw: the fun police is back

Shito: when are you coming home keith?

Shito: its getting late.Ma and dad are getting worried

TexasYeehaw: tell them mothman abducted me

Matterbaby: On It >:3

Shito: Dont

Matterbaby: :(

_Matterbaby changed Shito's username to NoFun4NoOne!_

NoFun4NoOne: this is the thanks i get for taking care a bunch of man babies

 

TexasYeehaw>>>NoFun4NoOne

TexasYeehaw: lmao calm down

TexasYeehaw: matt n pidge are giving me a ride im omw

NoFun4NoOne: you know im just worried for safety

NoFun4NoOne: dont underestimate people.They are capable  so many things given the right place and circumstances.

TexasYeehaw: I was small and young back then.

TexasYeehaw: I can defend myself just fine now,can we PLEASE stop talking about this.

NoFun4NoOne: of course you can,im just saying to be careful

TexasYeehaw:alright

NoFun4NoOne: thats all I ask for :)

TexasYeehaw: I really cant take you seriously with that name ha

NoFun4NoOne: :(

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

MomFriend: not into that srry

Bidge: I SPAT MY MILO WHAT THE HECK JUNK

(Bi)tter: junk lol

Olloro: HUNK

NoFun4NoOne: I had the most hope in you,hunk

MomFriend: say what you want but ive been friends with lance since i was 8

MomFriend: some part of him has got to rub off on me at one point ╮(╯▽╰)╭

(Bi)tter: ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)

_Bidge removed (Bi)tter from the groupchat!_

_Bidge changed their username to ThotPolice!_

ThotPolice: no **_thotties_** allowed in my sacred christian groupchat

Olloro: but youre an atheist???

MomFriend: didnt lance made this gc tho

ThotPolice: too bad.

Olloro: pidge is that one Bitch who takes over your minecraft server and houses

ThotPolice: Yes.

Matterbaby: wasnt llura a homewrecker

Olloro: that was ONCE

Olloro: and dont text while driving please

ThotPolice: WEEE WOO WEE WOO

_ThotPolice removed Olloro from the groupchat!_

Matterbaby: harsh man,,,

ThotPolice: Justice Has Mercy On No One

TexasYeehaw: at this rate everyones gonna be kicked out of this gc

ThotPolice: youre on thin ice,kogane

TexasYeehaw: whatd I do now

ThotPolice: no shit talking the justice system

NoFun4NoOne: its a communist world now

ThotPolice: OMG SHIRO MADE A JOKE QUICK WRITE THIS DOWN ITS A CRYPTID

TexasYeehaw: I CANT THERES NO PEN AND PAPER IN MATTS CAR

TexasYeehaw: WHY DONT U HAVE PEN AND PAPER IN YOUR CAR

ThotPolice: SCREENSHOT IT THEN QUICK

TexasYeehaw: ON IT

NoFun4NoOne: why are you guys like this

ThotPolice: unsupervised internet since I was 12 and having matt as my brother

 

MomFriend>>>(Bi)tter

MomFriend: bro?

(Bi)tter: yes bro?

MomFriend: u okay bro

(Bi)tter: yea bro

MomFriend: but u were so quiet at the gc bro

(Bi)tter: dont worry im just tired bro

MomFriend: rest well bro

(Bi)tter: ily bro

MomFriend: ily2 bro :)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> funfact: i'm lowkey using katt as a way to get over my own rl crush oops
> 
> oof between graduating from secondary school,moving onto college,writers block and my mental health,its been highkey a hectic time period for me
> 
> ((just to clarify,allura is lance's step-sister :3))


	6. eating em raw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt gets exposed and Sasuke takes the lead for this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if my english sucks atm,english isnt my first language oof
> 
> Trigger Warning(s): none

(Bi)tter:Lance  
NoFun4NoOne: Shiro  
TexasYeehaw: Keith   
ThotPolice:Pidge  
Olloro: Allura  
MomFriend: Hunk  
Matterbaby: Matt

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

[2.23am]

_ThotPolice added (Bi)tter and Olloro to the groupchat!_

ThotPolice: welcome back uncouth heathens

 

[4.20am]

Matterbaby: good monday yall

Matterbaby: Imma eat a whole onion

 

[4.45am]

Matterbaby: oh fUCK

 

[7.11am]

Olloro: well that was ominous

MomFriend: @Matterbaby what the fuck why the fuck

(Bi)tter: holy shit is he dead

(Bi)tter: @ThotPolice

ThotPolice: sibling unit reporting in

ThotPolice: hes just a dumbass that choked on the onion

Matterbaby: No Regrets There.

Olloro: are you telling me that instead of calling for help or the ambulance you decided to text "oh fuck" to this group??

ThotPolice: beautiful last words

Olloro: how are you all not dead by now

Matterbaby: through sheer willpower and anger alone

ThotPolice: [Matt's face photoshopped onto a bird with buff arms for wings labelled anger and willpower respectively.jpeg]

MomFriend: why do you even have that

Olloro: pidge do you take constructive critiscm

ThotPolice: no.

TexasYeehaw: hi yes why did matt eat a whole ass onion at 4am

Matterbaby: I just felt like it ╮(u▽u)╭

ThotPolice: no its the determination to see things through and having no self control against impulses

Matterbaby: I dont deserved to be called out like this

(Bi)tter: the big qn is did he finish eating the onion

Matterbaby: **_yes_**

Matterbaby: I have a bad sore throat now but _yes_

(Bi)tter: bro,,

MomFriend: you have my respect

Matterbaby: my greatest achievement :D

Olloro: you were offered a scholarship for the most prestegious international space school bITCH

Matterbaby: oh,is that hard?

Olloro: if it were not for the laws of this land,I wouldve slaughtered you.

(Bi)tter: Im at dunkin donuts rn yall want anything

ThotPolice: coffee as dark as my soul

TexasYeehaw: honestly just fuck me up

MomFriend: frappucino!

ThotPolice: hisssssss

ThotPolice: _weak._

MomFriend: this is biphobia

ThotPolice: no u

NoFun4NoOne: huh I didnt die in my sleep

NoFun4noOne: another day of suffering it is

(Bi)tter: hey shiro

(Bi)tter: is thou okay

NoFun4NoOne: no

 

TexasYeehaw>>>NoFun4NoOne

TexasYeehaw: hey

TexasYeehaw: is something bothering you

TexasYeehaw: and dont lie I saw you eating marshmellows just now.

NoFun4NoOne: Im fine

TexasYeehaw: shiro,you only eat that specific brand of marshmellow when ur sad.

NoFun4NoOne: okay,,its just

NoFun4NoOne: between horrid nightmares keeping me up all night,my jobs and college,,I dont think I can stand this pressure for much long

NoFun4NoOne: Im so tired,keith

TexasYeehaw: I shouldve noticed sooner

TexasYeehaw: Im so sorry

NoFun4NoOne: none of this is your fault keith

TexasYeehaw: I can work part time to help you?

NoFun4NoOne: definitely not.

NoFun4NoOne: Just focus on your studies

TexasYeehaw: I'll try my best to stay out of trouble then?

NoFun4NoOne: thats good enough :)

TexasYeehaw: np shito

NoFun4NoOne: I h8 you

TexasYeehaw: :)

 

_TexasYeehaw created a groupchat!_

_TexasYeehaw added (Bi)tter,Matterbaby,ThotPolice,Olloro and MomFriend to the groupchat!_

_TexasYeehaw named the groupchat Let Shiro Rest 2k19!_

**Let Shiro Rest 2k19**

TexasYeehaw: I have gathered you all

TexasYeehaw: to let yall know to leave my bitchass brother alone.

ThotPolice: no

TexasYeehaw: okay,look here.

TexasYeehaw: he has a lot on his plate and Id appreciate it if you guys dont make this any harder for him.

Olloro:ah,,,

Matterbaby: understood

ThotPolice: shit okay

(Bi)tter: alrighty

MomFriend: yeah,I noticed

TexasYeehaw: thank you

_TexasYeehaw has deleted the groupchat Let Shiro Rest 2k19!_

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

[8.00 am]

Olloro: um its been a while since I graduated but

Olloro: arent you guys late for school?

(Bi)tter: GOTTA GO FAST

ThotPolice: jokes on yall,Im always 1 hour early for school (⌐■_■)

Matterbaby: nerd

ThotPolice: stfu I picked it up from you

MomFriend: can you believe the two chaos gods in our friend group come to school an hour earlier

ThotPolice: I may be a chaos god but I will cRY if I displease a teacher I look up to or get less than a hundred for any assignment

(Bi)tter: pidges alignment: Fuck the authorities! *terms and conditions must apply

ThotPolice: okay lISTEN HERE BUDDY

MomFriend: as much as I love all of you,I also love being able to learn in school

MomFriend: so please shut up

TexasYeehaw: just mute us lol

MomFriend: yes,but the last time I did that I missed out on the whole lamce being hospitalized for something stupid thing

ThotPolice: ah,you mean when we were first years?

MomFriend: Never Again.

Matterbaby: lol

Matterbaby: hunk

MomFriend: yes?

Matterbaby: arent u supposed to be paying attention in class rn

MomFriend: OH

(Bi)tter: AHAHHAHA

[8.25am]

(Bi)tter: im boredd

TexasYeehaw: …

TexasYeehaw: literally not 15 minutes have passed

(Bi)tter: entertain me

TexasYeehaw: no

(Bi)tter: pleaaaase?

TexasYeehaw: no

(Bi)tter: :(

(Bi)tter: with a cherry on top?

TexasYeehaw: no.

\---------------------------------------------

Keith felt a poke at his back.And another.Keith whipped around to be met with a certain brunet with a shit eating grin on his face.

"What do you want,Lance," Keith sighed,really not paid enough to deal with this.In fact,he wasn't even paid.

"Your attention," Lance shot him finger guns,winking.Keith blinked.He was about to turn back when-

"I just…feel like we aren't as close as we used to be."

huh?

Lance laid his head on his table,his voice taking an unexpected quiet tone.Keith really didn't know how to react.He wasn't known as the "Lone Wolf" for half his school life for nothing.People really aren't his forte.

"What do you mean?" Keith tries anyway,concern laced in his voice.It was really rare for Lance to get this serious.Something was wrong.

"Well…We're not really around each other anymore," Lance looked to the side,avoiding his gaze. "It's like you're friendship demoting me."

"Lance,no," Keith had never expected the reason for Lance being down was because he missed him.Heck,a year ago they were argueing 24/7 over the dumbest things and frequently got into fights because of it. "I didn't realize it,but I'm definitely not friendship demoting you.You're one of my first and important friends."

"Oh…Okay," Lance still wasn't meeting his eye.Did Keith say something wrong? He did,didn't he? "So,you and matt huh."

Keith was taken by surprise from Lance's abrupt 180 change in the topic. _What does Matt have anything to do with this?_

"uh,yeah.He asked me out on a date yesterday," Keith said,unsure what this has to do with anything,but he's willing to roll where Lance is bringing this to. "Honestly,I was kinda surprised."

"Heh,me too.Just make time for me when you get together," Lance shot him a small smile and poked him again.He somehow seemed…sad.

"Kogane! The board isn't on McClain's face.Face the front and pay attention please!" Keith didn't manage to reply as Mr. Thace called out to Keith,forcing him to end the conversation and spend the remaining lesson time half asleep.

\---------------------------------------------

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

**[** 2.05pm]

ThotPolice: who wants to bet that keith killed lance

Olloro: he had it coming smh

(Bi)tter: excuse??

Olloro: gtg bye!!

TexasYeehaw: I killed him.

(Bi)tter: with the power of friendship

Matterbaby: ew weeb

Olloro: arent u a weeb yourself?

Matterbaby: nOoo

ThotPolice: smh what would sasuke think

ThotPolice: this is a betrayal to the uchiha clan

Matterbaby: jokes on u I think about him everyday

Matterbaby: its what kept me through being detained by the fbi

(Bi)tter: nani the fuck

Matterbaby: the fbi blacklisted me for hacking into their security system when I was 14 and made it play the x-files theme everytime someone uses a door lmao

Matterbaby: the people there didnt even find it funny ew sourpusses

Matterbaby: Im never gonna bring myself to work there

Olloro: yea I got to watch a bunch or men in suits burst into the house and  arrest him

Olloro: yall shouldve seen the look on Mr and Mrs Holt

ThotPolice: tbh they werent even surprised they kinda expected this to happen someday

ThotPolice: he's really smart yet really stupid with no regards for authority,a dangerous combo

Matterbaby: FUCK THE POLICE

Olloro: a true chaotic neutral

TexasYeehaw: thats kinda cute tbh

Matterbaby: oH

Matterbaby: :D

(Bi)tter: what about me :(

Matterbaby: hisssssss

Matterbaby: get yo own boyfriend

ThotPolice: yall notice how matt idolized sasuke since he was young?

Matterbaby: its Common Knowledge,gremlin

ThotPolice: believe me,I know.The sasuke posters in your room are forever burned in my mind.

ThotPolice: now,compare sasuke with keith

MomFriend: emo,long black hair,pale skin,impulsive and doesnt like to smile

TexasYeehaw: hi wat

Matterbaby: WAIT KEITH NO PRETEND YOU DIDNT SEE THIS

Olloro: HAHAHHA

ThotPolice: matts type: Sasuke

 

_ThotPolice renamed groupchat Klance Is Canon King to Operation Klatt!_

**Operation Klatt**

ThotPolice: as you all know,klance was burnt to a crisp recently

ThotPolice: but from that,a new ship has arrived.

ThotPolice: I bring forth to you the new ultimate ship:Klatt

MomFriend: klatt?

ThotPolice: you fool.

ThotPolice: utter imbecil,,

Olloro: its Klance+Matt

MomFriend: oh?

MomFriend: i was wondering what would happen to this gc

ThotPolice: we evolve.

MomFriend: ah,fyi

MomFriend: if your meddling hurt lance in any way,I'll be out for your blood.

Olloro: hunk,,,is everything okay?

MomFriend: I just dont want lance to get hurt again.After the whole dating thing ended in a disaster,,

MomFriend: I dont ever want to see him like that again

ThotPolice: understandable,you can kill me

Olloro: Its alright,I'll try to keep pidge in line

MomFriend: youd better

ThotPolice: but seriously though,I'll stab myself before I'll ever hurt lance intentionally

MomFriend: okay

MomFriend: so whatre you gonna do about klatt?

ThotPolice: tbh I dont really know? the situation is really tender and its difficult to scout 3 different people

ThotPolice: heh tender

Olloro: Mission 1 for Operation Klatt: figure out the statuses Keith,Lance and Matt

ThotPolice: I'll take matt,llura you take keith and hunk,you handle lance

Olloro: Lets go wild cats!

MomFriend: okay

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

Matterbaby: why did the gc get so quiet

Matterbaby: I expected yall to jump on me for liking people similar to sasuke

TexasYeehaw: I'm like sasuke??

Matterbaby: honey,youre literally the most sasuke-ish type of person ive met

TexasYeehaw: oh

Matterbaby: ;)

ThotPolice: ew stop flirting and get a room

Matterbaby: Okay ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)

ThotPolice: nASTY

 

Matterbaby>>>TexasYeehaw

Matterbaby: hey,about the date

Matterbaby: when are you free?

TexasYeehaw: everyday after 4pm

Matterbaby: how about wednesday? 5pm? Is that okay with you?

TexasYeehaw: yes

TexasYeehaw: wait,are you picking me up?

Matterbaby: ofc! 

Matterbaby: shiro would have my head if I didn't

TexasYeehaw: he gets like that sometimes

Matterbaby: [Pic of calendar with wednesday circled.jpeg]

Matterbaby: I cant wait :)

TexasYeehaw: me too :)

Matterbaby: !!! 

Matterbaby: <3

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funfact #2: i ate a whole raw garlic once (bc im a dumbass with no self control either) and ended up with the WORSE strep throat/sore throat in my life.
> 
> Also,I'd really like your opinions on how to improve!
> 
> Are my chapters too short? Are the characters too OOC? (If so,how do I fix this?,what am I doing wrong?)  
> should serious topics be dealt with offscreen? am i rushing the pace?


	7. A Totally Hetero™ Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> klance finally gets development and we get a brogane moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would be updating once every week!  
> (more or less. It would definitely be posted sometime the following week)
> 
> Trigger Warning(s): Keith threatening to jump down when Matt talks about chicken nuggets.
> 
> Safe reading!

  
(Bi)tter:Lance  
NoFun4NoOne: Shiro  
TexasYeehaw: Keith   
ThotPolice:Pidge  
Olloro: Allura  
MomFriend: Hunk  
Matterbaby: Matt

 

"Hey mulletman, what'cha doing there,"  Lance's head suddenly shot in front of Keith's screen from above, his mess of brown hair hanging down to tickle Keith's hands. "Ooh! is that Matt?"

 _Holy shit_ ,Keith thinks. His face was literally mere inches from Lance's hair. Okay, nothing to panic about. Just don't think about how soft his hair looks, how it would probably smell good.

 

Yeah, don't think about it.

 

Don't think abou-

 _Touch it,_ Keith's brain urged him from the darker corners of his mind.  
_Just do it, it's right there. Touch. It._ _**TOUCH IT**_ ** _!_**

 _Shut up,_ Keith scolds himself, _Just. Just fuck the shutting up._

Keith was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he hadn't realized he was no longer in posession of his phone,staring blankly at his empty hands. His head immediately whipped to were Lance was, fearing the fuckery Lance would unleash with Keith's phone in his grip. The brunet in question was standing on one of the lab's counter, his hands reached out as high as it could while typing.

 _Oh fuck no._ Keith has a habit of leaving things on his phone unlocked and not password protected, something he regrets greatly right now.

Keith immediately shot up from where he was sitting and clambered ontop of the counter, determined to not let Lance ruin what was left of his social life.

"Give it back, Lance!" Keith grunted, reaching out for his phone. He curses his short little hands as Lance effortlessly keeps it out of reach with his lanky ones. "Give it back now and I promise I won't try to stab you later! "

"What?! No!" Lance yelled,wriggling like a freaking worm to escape from Keith's grabby hands. _Stay. Still._ _DAMNIT_ "You'll just sic Pidge on me!"

"No, I won't!"

"Yes you would!"

Keith lunged at Lance and they engaged in a wrestling match for a while, which ended up with Lance slipping down from the counter, pulling Keith along with him.

"Oof."

Keith heard a ringing sound upon impact, the air forcefully squeezed out of his lungs. He can only imagine how much worse this was for Lance, seeing as Keith landed literally on top of him.

Keith looked up to check Lance and yep, he was right. Lance was still recovering from the fall, disoriented. Keith immediately snatched his phone away from him and hurriedly checked it for damage.

\----------------------------------------------

TexasYeehaw>>>Matterbaby

Matterbaby: <3

TexasYeehaw: <3

TexasYeehaw: Cant wwait to see whta you have in storRDDE ;;)

Matterbaby: ohoho ;)

TexasYeehaw: the paetu dnnit syart wihout ne!

Matterbaby: wait

Matterbaby: is this keith

TexasYeehaw: yYEskpk

Matterbaby: WHOMST GOES THERE

Matterbaby: WHERE IS MY BELOVED KEEFUMS

TexasYeehaw: aaaszzxkskwqisiskskkaksk##":1ps00

Matterbaby: keith?

TexasYeehaw: Im back

TexasYeehaw: sorry that was lance

Matterbaby: you-

Matterbaby: do you want me to kill him?

TexasYeehaw: _nO_

TexasYeehaw: I appreciate the sentiment but no

Matterbaby: you sure?

TexasYeehaw: _yes_

TexasYeehaw: gtg I have to clean the lab or else 'llura is gonna have my head

Matterbaby: ah ok!

Matterbaby: see you later!

TexasYeehaw: <3

Matterbaby: <3!

\----------------------------------------------

Keith sighed, grateful that he recovered the phone before Lance managed to do further damage. The brunet groaned, shifting weakly from underneath.

 

_Wait._

 

It suddenly dawned on Keith that he was literally lying on top of Lance.

 

Oh.

 

 _Oh shit. Oh holy fucking god_ _!_ _Why is this hAPPENING,_ Keith yells in his head. _Okay. Just. Just get off. And you can pretend nothing happened. Yeah._

Keith pocketed his phone and rose on his unsteady feet, moving quickly to get as far away as possible from Lance when his foot got stuck on something and he comes crashing face down.

It was Lance's hand.

"Heh, don't think you've won," Lance lets out a breathless laugh from his side, face red and still a little shook from the fall. "The good will always prevail."

_That son of a-_

Keith was about to retaliate, rubbing his aching face when he heard a snicker from the doorway. His head shot up to see Pidge recording them with a shit eating grin. Blood instantly drained from his face and before he could even move to tackle her, she had run off cackling, her tiny legs carrying her forward at an inhumane speed she should never have been able to achieve.

"Well, we're both fucked."

\----------------------------------------------

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

ThotPolice: [ The Whole Incident With Keith, His Phone And Lance.mp4]

(Bi)tter: _NO_

(Bi)tter: _DELETE THAT_

ThotPolice: I bring forth to you peasants a gift,a chance to watch two dumbasses in their prime

Olloro: beautiful cinematography

Olloro: it captures the very essence of the tomfoolery embedded within these two

MomFriend: This is it.This is basically what lance and keiths friendship is.

Matterbaby: I shall avenge my keefums.

Matterbaby: there will be no lance by the end of the day.

NoFun4NoOne: is that-

NoFun4NoOne: is that keith

Matterbaby: yes >w<

ThotPolice: ew

NoFun4NoOne: the day has come,

NoFun4NoOne: where keith isnt referred to as a problematic child or a troublemaker, but with a term of endearment

TexasYeehaw: You shank someone ONCE and you apparently have 'behavioural issues' and 'anger problems' smh

ThotPolice: finally someone who understands me @TexasYeehaw

Matterbaby: pidge nO

ThotPolice: pidge _yes_

(Bi)tter: hey all matt just threatened to kill me

Matterbaby: I prefer the term 'exterminate'

(Bi)tter: thats wORSE

Matterbaby: no u

Olloro: as much as this entertains me,yall better get to cleaning the lab (U‿U✿)

Olloro: now. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

(Bi)tter: whoops gtg now

TexasYeehaw: on it already

Olloro: good.

\----------------------------------------------

Right, it's time to get scrubbing. Keith puts down his phone and gets ready the brooms and mops needed to complete their daily task. It was practically ingrained into him by the first week.

Person A would start by placing the chairs unto the table then sweep starting  the back quarters of the lab, then bring the dirt to the front of the lab to be swept up and thrown in the dustpan. From then, they would switch and the other person, Person B would do the mopping. In the meantime, Person A would do miscellaneous stuff like wiping the board and dusting the cabinets.

Easy peasy. They'll be in and out within 2 hours, 3 hours if they end up bickering. Who is he kidding? They _always_ end up bickering.

Keith loves to focus on his work without talking, preferring the silence when completing his task. Unfortunately, Lance was the complete opposite. He'd constantly try to egg Keith on in doing stupid things and start competitions for the dumbest things. The worse was when he would blast whatever pop songs that he liked and he'd sing along. It's not that he was bad at it, what Keith hated was _how good he was._

 _Who gave him the right to be so cute, what the fuck?_ Keith would fume,clenching his hands in frustration. _Holy shit, he should not be this entranced by Lance's voice. This is so stupid._ _He is so stupid._

The absolute _worst_ however, would be when he _dances._ It should be fucking illegal for Lance to ever dance. That boy could bring the world into destruction and flames if he dances, holy shit.

Keith would put all his strength and attention into his task in an effort to ignore the brunet, his face burning up nonetheless.

Fun times.

Today however, it seems like Lance made it his life mission to consistently poke and prod at Keith's buttons.

"Hey Keith," Lance whispers from behind him as he sweeps the floor. "Keeeeith!"

Keith sighs. "Yes, _Lance?_ And if you smack me another time for no reason, I'm gonna have to throw this broom at you."

 

Silence. _Good._

 

 

_Smack!_

 

Keith slowly turned around,fists balled and ready to Fucking Go. Lance, upon seeing Keith's face realized his deadly mistake and gulped as he slowly inched back in fear.

"Oh, it's on!" Keith growled, lunging towards Lance, broom ready in to whack an idiot. Lance let out a high pitched squeal, scrambling over the counter he was sitting on and opted to play tag between the lab counters to avoid being whacked by Keith.

That is, he was, until Lance got a hold of the mop. It all goes downhill from there.

\----------------------------------------------

"I'm home!" Keith calls out as he enters his house,the smell of pancakes wafting out from the kitchen. Seeing the smell wasn't something burnt then it's Adam. Shiro may seem like a person with his life put together, but he can't cook to save his life.

"Oh, hi Kei- woah," Adam poked his head out from the kitchen,face pulling into one of shock as he takes in Keith in all his glory of  the splatter of bruises on his hands and face, his disheveled hair and clothes. "what the _heck_ happened today."

_To lie or not to lie?_

On one hand it'd be fun to see Adam and Shiro's faces if he told them he had gotten into a fight. On the other, it would be stressing Shiro out so Keith decides to be a good little brother for once.

"Well, Lance and I uh. We decided to work together as a team and cleaned the lab," _a half truth._ Keith put on his best smile. "We got a little _too_ competetive."

"Oh, thats nice!" Adam exclaimed,hurrying back to the kitchen before the pancakes get burnt. "I knew you guys would get along some day."

Keith doesn't know if it was a masochistic part of him that forced the words out of his mouth before he could think.

"Lance kept on bugging me during cleaning so we whacked and chased each other around the lab for a little too."

_"Keith,"_

\----------------------------------------------

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

[5.23pm]

ThotPolice: and THAT was how I almost ended up being a murderer

TexasYeehaw: wat

MomFriend: pidge was just telling us how she almost stabbed a bunch of trick or treaters when she was 10!

Matterbaby: no wonder she and Keith got along so well when they first met

Matterbaby: tiny people with barely contained rage and grabby hands

Matterbaby: their rage gets unleashed over the little-est things

Matterbaby: like a chicken nugget

TexasYeehaw: was this about that incident when I was 12?

TexasYeehaw: to be fair, you ate the last chicken nugget

Matterbaby: thats still not a credible reason to threaten to jump down from my window

TexasYeehaw: but it is

TexasYeehaw: that was MY chicken nugget

(Bi)tter: omg this reminds me of keith in middle school

(Bi)tter: the girls kept on squealing about how you were such a 'bAd bOY',being all mysterious

(Bi)tter: but I found you in the library one time with warrior cats books around you,crying and you looked me dead into the eyes and whispered

(Bi)tter: 'I would DIE for firestar'

(Bi)tter: I was SO confused and when I told the others they didnt believe me

(Bi)tter: looking back,you were just a fucking nerd with a serious face

TexasYeehaw: I STILL dont understand why those people were so interested in me and wont leave me alone

ThotPolice: isnt that all of us

TexasYeehaw: no,you pushed me and called me a tiny midget the first time we met

ThotPolice: that,I did

TexasYeehaw: I was taller than you??

ThotPolice: it felt nice that not everybody was like a towering tree,details are not important

(Bi)tter: what a big mood

Matterbaby: but youre a tall beanpole

MomFriend: nah he was a tiny lil peanut in middle school

(Bi)tter: now im a different kind of nut

ThotPolice: fucking Perish.

(Bi)tter: no

ThotPolice: worth a try

MomFriend: I want to join the thot police force

MomFriend: too many thots in this place needs to be detained

ThotPolice: *wipes tear*

ThotPolice: welcome to the thot patrol,lad

ThotPolice: our first target: Lance Sanchez McClain

(Bi)tter: oh no,,o,,ooo,,

(Bi)tter: whatre you gonna do about it?

(Bi)tter: you gonna come and chain me up?……oh noooOo ₕₒw ᵤₙfₒᵣₜᵤₙₐₜₑ

Olloro: literally nobody needs to know about your kinks lance

(Bi)tter: no but they do

TexasYeehaw: what am I supposed to do with this information

Matterbaby: call up a porn agency

(Bi)tter: hello 911 im being kinkshamed

Matterbaby: kinkshaming IS my kink

ThotPolice: *delicate gasp*

ThotPolice: a kinkception

MomFriend: will we ever be able to escape this neverending loop of kinkception?

Olloro: you can if youre sonic

ThotPolice: DEJA VU

(Bi)tter: thats math class in a nutshell

(Bi)tter: everyones drifting like a pro and im slamming headfirst into corners and turns

TexasYeehaw: thats shiro,but with cooking

ThotPolice: Exposed™

ThotPolice: oh wait he isnt here

TexasYeehaw: just like my parents

Olloro: im scREECHING

\----------------------------------------------

"I'm home," Keith hears the front door click shut along with a jangle of keys. Oh. Shiro's home.

Keith gets up from his bed and peeked out from his doorframe, in a totally not creepy way.

To an outsider, Shiro is his usual fatherly dorky self. Not to Keith and Adam. His movements are slow and the eyebags beneath his eyes could rival Gucci's. It's like a sad bootleg of a shiro clone made in China. It would probably be named Jiro.Even Adam's face scrunched in worry when he sees Shiro.

Shiro sat down on their dinner table, head buried in his arms. Those nightmares must really be taking a toll on him. Keith got out from his hiding place and took a seat across Shiro, plopping himself down and helped himself to the pile of pancakes left on the table by Adam.

"Hey, Shiro," Keith slowly reached out his hand to lightly touch Shiro's forearm after a comfortable silence had envelop them. "you know you can come to Adam or me if you're struggling, right?"

 

No reply.

 

"Look, I may not be able to express it in words but-" Keith leans forward, his voice taking an unexpected soft tone. "you're like a brother to me and I worry when you're like this."

 

Still no reply.

 

Keith got up,ready to return to his room to give Shiro some space when Shiro starts shaking.As if he's trying to supress his snickering.

"Shiro, I know you're laughing at me!" Keith was positively ready to express mail Shiro to Antartica right there and then. _That fucknut. That absolute fucking walnut-_

Shiro bursted out laughing, a genuine happy laugh, surprising Keith. "Sorry, I just wanted to hear what you were gonna say."

Keith playfully punches Shiro, a little reliefed that Shiro was okay enough to have fun like this.

"Hah, sorry but you're rarely ever soft. Its like a- what do you and Pidge call it?" Shiro smiles, rubbernecking. "a creep kid?"

"A cryptid," Keith corrected him,putting the plates and forks into the sink. "and I mean it. Adam cares for you a lot too. You can come to either of us if you have any problems."

"I would," Shiro smiles coyly in that way that makes Keith uneasy. Nothing good _ever_ comes out when this happens. " _If,_ you tell me where your knife collection is."

"No…S-stay back!" Keith warns as Shiro slowly advances rowards him. "I will cut your clothes _I swear to god_. _"_

That does nothing but make Shiro's smile widen. _Shit_. Keith makes a dash for his room only to be caught in a bear hug from Shiro.Keith scratches uselessly at Shiro's muscled arms, choking from the lack of air. _This is it.This is where I die._

"Thanks for that kiddo," Shiro finally lets him go,ruffling his hair. Keith feels like he just lost one of his nine lives. "gotta bathe now."

Keith smiles as Shiro walks into his room, infinitely more happy than when he came home. Keith may or may not have broken a rib from that hug, but if it cheers his brother up, maybe its not so bad.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's up to your interpretation on why Lance's face was red *distant cackling*
> 
> Also a huge thanks to the people who left reviews from the last chapter, and to those that stuck with this story from the beginning! I really appreciate it! <3


	8. so no head?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith is progenant,Allura Our Queen steps up and there is Pain™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ZMXNXMZKXKSKZ sorry I didnt update sooner I had to go the hospital and deal with other stuff and suddenly its suNDAY
> 
> Trigger Warning(s): Lance gets a panic attack/breakdown after his call with Allura and mentions of blood as well as self deprecative thoughts that might trigger some.
> 
> Safe reading,yall

(Bi)tter:Lance  
NoFun4NoOne: Shiro  
TexasYeehaw: Keith  
ThotPolice: Pidge  
Olloro: Allura  
MomFriend: Hunk  
Matterbaby: Matt

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

[10.23pm]

TexasYeehaw: okay the coast is clear please roast shiro

Matterbaby: The Permission Has Been Granted

ThotPolice: shiro will perish

NoFun4NoOne: please dont

(Bi)tter: ITS TOO LATE

MomFriend: the floodgates has been opened by the gatekeeper,theres no turning back now

Olloro: no point in resisting

NoFun4NoOne: oh my god why are you all like this

Matterbaby: hey,shiro.

Matterbaby: you are a great person and I really look up to you and wish the world would start treating you RIGHT

(Bi)tter: OOOOoo

(Bi)tter: wait wat

MomFriend: we shall caress shiro with kindness

TexasYeehaw: W HY was it worded like that

MomFriend: because I Can

(Bi)tter: ahh what a mood

Olloro: ofc it is for you,lance

(Bi)tter: whats that supposed to mean bih?

(Bi)tter: I mean,,youre not wrong but wym

Olloro: dont act dumb you keep spamming me with pepe memes at 8.30pm and end it off with a voice recording of you screeching bc you know I wont block you bITCH

(Bi)tter: youre still bitter about that??

Olloro: iTS BEEN GOING ON FOR THE PAST WEEK

Matterbaby: why is it so specific

Matterbaby: like why is it at 8.30 on the dot with the screeching

(Bi)tter: I am a man of routine

MomFriend: thats not true

(Bi)tter: sSHH LET ME PRETEND

MomFriend: you disappear for days at end with no ways to contact you randomly

(Bi)tter: SHUT UP YOUR FUCK

MomFriend: and the times you accidentally skype call me in the middle of the night

(Bi)tter: /mute user:[MomFriend]

(Bi)tter: now that satan's whispering is officially stopped

(Bi)tter: please,cuntinue your discussion

ThotPolics: cuntinue lol

(Bi)tter: my gOD

(Bi)tter: I can never escape this slandering

(Bi)tter: oh sanic-san,teach me your ways to be Fast enough the escape sound and texts

ThotPolice: you called?

(Bi)tter: I didnt ask for a midget hobgoblin

ThotPolice: WH

Olloro: oh how the gods have fallen

MomFriend: someone tell lance to unmute me I have something to say

Olloro: @(Bi)tter hunk has something to say

(Bi)tter: No

MomFriend: Bitch.

Olloro: Bitch. - Hunk

(Bi)tter: :P

MomFriend: If I were not a holy man I would have long ago snapped Lance in half

Olloro: I think its better lance dont hear that

(Bi)tter: wait is he talking shit about me

(Bi)tter: hUNK YOU BETTER NOT BE TALKING SHIT ABOUT ME

MomFriend: no one tell him lol

Olloro: I like how you think

(Bi)tter: im scREECHING

NoFun4NoOne: let me sLEEP oh GOD

TexasYeehaw: arent u boning adam rn

NoGun4NoOne: …

TexasYeehaw: oh eW IM RIGHT??? OH MY GOD

(Bi)tter: EXPOSED

ThotPolice: salad.

Olloro: why is it just salad

Olloro: this is so jarring

ThotPolice: shit sorry I was busy let me try that again

ThotPolice: salad ://

Olloro: perfect.

(Bi)tter: truly an iconic queen

Matterbaby: queen? I dont think so

ThotPolice: shh let me be worshipped

 

Matterbaby>>>TexasYeehaw

Matterbaby: psst love

TexasYeehaw: love??

Matterbaby: its a pet name owo

Matterbaby: anyways, I just thought of a pickup line

Matteebaby: are you a building thats scheduled to be demolished? Bc I wanna smash (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞

TexasYeehaw: I

TexasYeehaw: Im

Matterbaby: you dont like it? :(

TexasYeehaw: no wait I do

TexasYeehaw: wait a sec

 

TexasYeehaw>>>NoFun4NoOne

TexasYeehaw: [Screenshot340.jpeg]

TexasYeehaw: SHIRO STOP YOUR BONING I NEED YOUR ADVICE

NoFun4NoOne: what is it now

NoFun4NoOne: …

NoFun4NoOne: is that matt

TexasYeehaw: no thats mothman

NoFun4NoOne: oh

TexasYeehaw: ajwkkaka how out of it are you

NoFun4NoOne: knowing him, just return a pickup line or compliment.

NoFun4NoOne: hes a sucker for that.Instantly turns him into a mess.

TexasYeehaw: alright thanks

 

TexasYeehaw>>>Matterbaby

TexasYeehaw: uh

TexasYeehaw: If I filp a coin what are my chances of getting head?

Matterbaby: I'd say about a half

Matterbaby: wait.

Matterbaby: KEITH??¡¿!??

TexasYeehaw: XNZKAJDNX I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING IGNORE THAT

 

Matterbaby>>>NoFun4NoOne

Matterbaby: [Screenshot549.jpeg]

Matterbaby: SHIRO WHAT DO I SAY

NoFun4NoOne: …

NoFun4NoOne: KEITH OH MY GOD

Matterbaby: IM YELLING TOO

 

NoFun4NoOne>>>TexasYeehaw

NoFun4NoOne: I said pickup line how did you fuck up that bad

TexasYeehaw: SHUT UP SHIRO I COULDNT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE

NoFun4NoOne: so you asked for a bj?

TexasYeehaw: SHUT UP AND HELP ME

NoFun4NoOne: I cant help you with this one buddy

NoFun4NoOne: youve dug your own deep grave

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

ThotPolice: Ooo matts blushing

ThotPolice: time to snoop >:3

MomFriend: is that really a good decision

Olloro: hes the most shameless person I know besides lance like do you rlly wanna know what got him blushing

ThotPolice: OH GOD

MomFriend: called it.

ThotPolice: K E I T H??

TexasYeehaw: stop right there you little mcfuck nugget

TexasYeehaw: Stop.Right.There.

(Bi)tter: SPILL THE TEA SIS

(Bi)tter: WHAT DID HE DO

 _ThotPolice changed_ _their name to McFuckNugget!_

McFuckNugget: ew never say that to me again

McFuckNugget: @TexasYeehaw you really think your purposeful punctuation is gonna scare me? Think again.

TexasYeehaw: fucking hell

McFuckNugget: "If I filp a coin what are my chances of getting head?"

Olloro: KEITH HAHAHA

(Bi)tter: I dont understand?? Is there something im missing out on??? a secret coin flipping kink I wasnt aware of??

McFuckNugget: no worries let me explain: 'So No Head?'

(Bi)tter: o H

McFuckNugget: thats what I said!

MomFriend: okay me n lance,we're skype calling and I wanna know why he just flung his phone and is screeching

Olloro: scroll up

MomFriend: hm. *eyes emoji*

(Bi)tter: w o w  THATS SO STRAIGHTFORWARD KEITH WHAT THE HECK

(Bi)tter: I mean, I know youre a straightforward guy but I didnt expect you to be the type to do tHAT

TexasYeehaw: what is this? bully keith day?

(Bi)tter: yes

McFuckNugget: @Matterbaby youre suspiciously quiet

_Matterbaby changed their name to NoComment!_

(Bi)tter: ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)

McFuckNugget: oh ur finally back

NoComment: jokes on yall I've been here the whole time watching all of this go down

McFuckNugget: is this a date or a hookup

NoComment: ok first of all yall nasties

NoComment: second of all good night im sleepy

MomFriend: only people with the daddy kink says sleepy instead of tired

Olloro: h u n k

McFuckNugget: akkznsl TRUTH

(Bi)tter: okay what did he just say

MomFriend: unmute me first bitch

Olloro: 'unmute me first bitch' - Hunk

(Bi)tter: still no.

NoComment: sorry im only into twinks

Olloro: smh you dont have to be buff to be a daddy

Olloro: #StopStereotyping2k19

(Bi)tter: w h a t  i s  g o i n g  o n

(Bi)tter: _whos pregnant now_

Olloro: just unblock hunk omfg why are you so difficult

(Bi)tter: n to the no no

NoFun4NoOne: is this referring to keith bc I dont like where this is going

McFuckNugget: hello lurker #2

(Bi)tter: KeiTHS PREGNANT?

Olloro: no hes gregnant

MomFriend: no im sure its pragenat

NoComment: no hes pregenoant

McFuckNugget: ew what is this,an omegaverse fic?

(Bi)tter: wat

McFuckNugget: nvm

Olloro: Im just saying,,,

TexasYeehaw: d i s c o m f o r t

NoComment: >:(

NoComment: leave my boo alone

McFuckNugget: no

McFuckNugget: we have to roast both yall equally

NoComment: hello 911 me and my mothman loving boyfriend are being bullied

McFuckNugget: Im the law now,Matthias.

(Bi)tter: M a t t h i a s???

MomFriend: isnt his full name matthew?

NoComment: PIDGE DONT U DARE

McFuckNugget: no its Matthias Elizabeth Holt

TexasYeehaw: w h a t

MomFriend: PLOT TWIST

Olloro: dw he did this to Shiro and I for the majority of our friendship too

TexasYeehaw: my memories with you are a  l i e

NoComment: NO REBECCA ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK

TexasYeehaw: I wont hesitate,bitch.

(Bi)tter: is no one gonna comment on the fact that his middle name is _elizabeth_

MomFriend: ive alwaya wondered what the initial E. meant lol

McFuckNugget: mom was going through a victorian phase when she had him ╮(╯▽╰)╭

(Bi)tter: pidge you _k n e w_

McFuckNugget: duh,hes my bro

McFuckNugget: plus its fun to watch people being completely clueless and constantly referring to him as matthew

NoComment: dw lancey lance ive embraced that side of me

(Bi)tter: then whyd u hide it from us all these years

NoComment: Its fun to see peoples reaction when they find out

MomFriend: from this you can really tell matt and pidge related

(Bi)tter: understandable have a nice day

NoComment: Im the best elizabeth in this world now

_McFuckNugget changes NoComment's username to TheOnlyQueenElizabeth!_

TheOnlyQueenElizabeth: hm I like this

TheOnlyQueenElizabeth: but its too long :(

(Bi)tter: thats what she said

Olloro: I just realised your intial can make the acronym MEH

 _TheOnlyQueenElizabeth changed their name to #1MEtH_ _!_

#1MEtH: with a little tweaking it can become meth

TexasYeehaw: !!!!

TexasYeehaw: I signed an anti-drugs pact when I was 10 and I will honor that promise with my life.

(Bi)tter: is that why you dont smoke?? omfg what a loser

#1MEtH: stfu I think its cute

Olloro: shiro would be so proud

Olloro: where is he

Olloro: its such a shame he missed this grand event

TexasYeehaw: sorry but we have to break up

Olloro: im sorry you WHAT

#1MEtH: wH

TexasYeehaw: I cant date someone associated with drugs.I have to honor my pact

#1MEtH: NZKALLMZSNS YOU WERE SERIOUS

TexasYeehaw: why wouldnt I be??

#1MEtH: I LOVE YOU BUT YOURE SO DUMB SOMETIMES

#1MEtH: I WAS JOKING

TexasYeehaw: oh

#1MEtH: but if it makes you feel better

_#1MEtH changed their name to TheOnlyLineImInterestedInIsTheLineToHeav!_

(Bi)tter: did he die halfway or,,,

TheOnlyLineImInterestedInIsTheLineToHeav: no I just reached maximum word count

_TheOnlyLineImInterestedInIsTheLineToHeav changed their username to YaBoi!_

Olloro: I love spectating this chat

Olloro: its so entertaining

McFuckNugget: same

(Bi)tter: remember kids,dont do drugs,stay in schl and eat ya vegetals

MomFriend: oh my god I can  h e a r  it

(Bi)tter: we've been briefed about this so many times during assembly since we were infants its practically ingrained within me

(Bi)tter: I am the motto and the motto is me

(Bi)tter: where do I start and where does the motto end? Who knows.Not me thats who

McFuckNugget: wait a minute.

McFuckNugget: @TexasYeehaw @YaBoi are you guys dating? didnt u say it was just a date/lunch??

TexasYeehaw: tf how would I know

YaBoi: good qn

Olloro: #RelationshipGoals

YaBoi: @Olloro we dont need your sass rn

Olloro: >:P

YaBoi: hey keith wanna be my boyfriend

TexasYeehaw: oh okay

YaBoi: lol yeah,we're dating

MomFriend: you both really are simple people

McFuckNugget: lmao just wait for it

(Bi)tter: aNZBXBMMA JUST LIKE THAT??

TexasYeehaw: I mean,how else does it go

TexasYeehaw: we've been childhood friends for forever

YaBoi: wait

YaBoi: WE'RE DATING!!! ANAXNXNMKALQONSNXNAMSNSNNS

McFuckNugget: there it is

YaBoi: I HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND ITS KEITH!!!!!

YaBoi: I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!

NoFun4NoOne: its ALREADY 1AM GO TO SLEEP

YaBoi: ₖₑᵢₜₕ ᵢₛ ₘY BₒYFᵣᵢₑₙD

NoFun4NoOne: good.Now sleep.

YaBoi: okay :(

Olloro: night

MomFriend:nite!

McFuckNugget: happy comatose time yall

 

YaBoi>>>TexasYeehaw

YaBoi: good night BOO

YaBoi: :D

TexasYeehaw: nite

YaBoi: <3!!

 

(Bi)tter>>>Olloro

(Bi)tter: allura can I call you?

Olloro: did something happen?You usually dont call

(Bi)tter: just call me please

_(Bi)tter has started a call! Accept?_

_Call ended 1:45:28_

[2.55am]

(Bi)tter: thank you

Olloro: anytime :)

(Bi)tter: <3

Olloro: <3

 

\----------------------------------------------

Lance let his phone fall onto his bed with a dull thud, scrubbing his face with his hand.

_Goddammit!_

Lance can feel his burning lungs strain from the effort of going against the waves of unwanted emotions crashing over him, engulfing him, his chest heaving shakily.

_He knew.He knew and yet..._

No! Lance refused to cry. It's no use crying. He's already been through this on his call with Allura. He knew this would happen. He _knew_ and yet... He had hoped.

He had hoped from the look on Keith's face after they fell, he had hoped as they became friends and grew closer, hoped as he sees Keith send him little glances when he thinks Lance isn't looking, hoped as he took notice of all these little things, hoped against all odds. He was a fool.

He was a delusional fool in love.

Before he knew it, tears began dripping down his face. His hands shake as he reaches for his bottle of pills, the rattling of his meds can be heard in his unstable hands.

The 'what ifs' scream loud in his head, with no way to escape. What if he had confessed first? What if he had asked Keith out first? Longing and regret tore at his heart, wrapping its hands around his throat. He dropped the bottle as he clutched his middle, clawing at it in a desperate attempt to make these awful thoughts go away.

_He was a stupid, delusional unloveable fool. Stupid, stupid, STUPID. Of COURSE Keith would never love him, who could love someone like him? StupIDSTUPIDSTUPID!!_

He stopped as he felt something warm trickle down his hands. Pulling away, he saw that his fingers were covered in smeared blood. Whimpering, he curled up into a small ball on the floor, shaking as he tries to hold back his sobs.

The worse part about all of this was that there was no one else to blame but himself.

 

\----------------------------------------------

 

Allura sat on the edge of her bed, her knucles turning white as she grips her phone.

She can hear the sobs from next door. She can hear every whimper and every amguished cries made by her stepbrother. Her heart squeezed painfully at not being able to do anything. She knows it was a silent rule shared between the two. Lance would absolutely hate it if she were to see him in that state.

So Allura does what she knows she does best. She works behind the scenes.

\----------------------------------------------

 Olloro>>>McFuckNugget

Olloro: I need to talk to you about the whole klatt thing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up kiddos, the angst has only just begun. (ʘ‿ʘ✿)
> 
> ngl Im in a bad place rn,comments and kudos are really rEALLY appreciated.


	9. #LetKeithOwnKnives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fourth walls are hard to break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really jinxed myself by proudly announcing I'd update weekly huh
> 
> Trigger Warning(s): uH,,,nada (please pm me if there was anything triggering that I missed out!)
> 
> Happy reading!

(Bi)tter:Lance  
NoFun4NoOne: Shiro  
TexasYeehaw: Keith  
McFuckNugget: Pidge  
Olloro: Allura  
MomFriend: Hunk  
YaBoi: Matt

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

[7.10am]

YaBoi: gmorning all! Keith is my boyfriend!!

McFuckNugget: youre like a puppy smh

Olloro: OAO a whole night without something stupid happening?

Olloro: truly a groundbreaking record

YaBoi: actually…

Olloro: god fucking dammit,elizabeth

McFuckNugget: is this a thing now

McFuckNugget: are we gonna start calling matt elizabeth now bc Im totally on board

_(Bi)tter unmuted MomFriend!_

MomFriend: finally :D

_(Bi)tter changed their name to Angelica!_

Angelica: I remember that dreamlike candlelight,like a dream that you cant quite place

Angelica: but Alexander, I’ll never forget the first time I saw your fAAAAAACE

Olloro: lance,,

YaBoi:I have never been the sAME,intelligent eAAYEs in a hunger-pang frame

YaBoi: And when you said “Hi,” I forgot my fuCKIng name

(Bi)tter: wait thats not how it goes

McFuckNugget: Its too early for this

Angelica: yall know what this means?

Angelica: Pidge finally slept!

YaBoi: the world is ending as we speak.

Olloro: pidge turning her brain off has upset the balance of this universe,the world is in utter chaos.

YaBoi: prepare yourselves fellas,for the ultimate apocalypse is happening.

McFuckNugget: I h8 all of you

YaBoi: shhhh she loves us

McFuckNugget: Im gonna McShoot yall

YaBoi: [Voice Recording32.mp4]

YaBoi: hear pidges unholy frustrated screeches? Beautiful

Olloro: how is someone so tiny able to contain that much rage

Angelica: idk ask keith

TexasYeehaw: why was I brought into this

Angelica: keith youre back!

TexasYeehaw: no ive been here the whole time reading everything

Olloro: @NoFun4NoOne like father like son

TexasYeehaw: what father

Olloro: XNMSMALZANSKSK

TexasYeehaw: plus im secretly cleaning my knives

TexasYeehaw: shiro wants to take them away ://

MomFriend: you know he's in this chat right?

TexasYeehaw: he's too busy staring at his white hair in the morning before work to read this chat

NoFun4NoOne: excuse?

Angelica: Whoops keithy boi

Olloro: you jinxed yourself smh

McFuckNugget: press f to pay respect

Olloro: f

Angelica: f

MomFriend: f

YaBoi: f

McFuckNugget: amen

YaBoi: @NoFun4NoOne this is homophobia

NoFun4NoOne: I am literally a gay

YaBoi: #LetKeithOwnKnives

McFuckNugget: finally,a movement I can get behind

Olloro: pidge??

McFuckNugget: Ive seen keith yeet a knife at lotor for it to graze him real close to shut him up when he was talking shit about the lgbt community

McFuckNugget: how can I NOT support this??

Olloro: ah,a chaotic good cause.All doubts are clear now

TexasYeehaw: Is this a compliment or an insult

Olloro: Yes

Angelica: [Photos1233.jpeg]

Angelica: haha look at that loser sitting alone at a table in schl

Olloro: thats,,,

Olloro: thats u

Angelica: your point??

Angelica: _bc some people decided to be late for school_

YaBoi: holy shit those eyebags are gucci

Angelica: my baggage is gucci (⌐■_■)

NoFun4NoOne: big mood

MomFriend: I overslept!!

Angelica: smh I didnt even sleep

McFuckNugget: Im sICK  
     
Angelica: and im just michael in the bathroom by himself

YaBoi: no he's with his hand

Angelica: why would you tarnish our sacred learning grounds like that

YaBoi: that reminds me

_YaBoi changed their username to Boyf!_

_YaBoi changed TexasYeehaw's username to Riends!_

Riends: I dont get it?

Boyf: put our usernames together boo

Riends: Boyf…riends?

Riends: oh

Boyf: atta boy

McFuckNugget: _sniff sniff_

McFuckNugget: do I smell pda?disgusting.

Boyf: it isnt even pda >:(

McFuckNugget: It is,but go off I guess

Boyf: gOd let me love my bf in peace

Angelica: ring ring its school time motherfuckers.

MomFriend: O H  N O

Angelica: boot up  b i t c h

MomFriend: Im blocking u this time

Angelica: WAIT NO

Angelica: BLEASE

 

McFuckNugget>>>Olloro

McFuckNugget: hey 'llura

McFuckNugget: we're meeting at the balmera coffeeshop right?

Olloro: yup! See you at 10

McFuckNugget: cya

\----------------------------------------------

Pidge threw her phone onto her bed and flopped down beside it with a blush spreading across her face.

This was all so stupid. She never signed up for feelings and here she was, against her own will, caught in this horrendous roller coaster ride.

Just like roller coaster rides, some people enjoy getting crushes while others want to projectile vomit from fear and dread. For Pidge, it's the latter. Feelings and emotions, it all was just way too complex for her to make sense of.

Engineering, sciences and maths? All of them have a clear, concise answer with reasonable explanations and Pidge liked that. Humans are like an enigma and that really put Pidge in a position where she struggled daily to People™ like a normal person. It's not that she disliked people, she just doesn't know how to interact and what to expect out of others.

Speaking of which, she really doesn't know how to cope with the fact that she _liked_ Allura. Like, _like liked_ her. She feels like punching a wall or maybe screeching just from acknowledging that fact. Probably not a healthy coping mechanism, but it's not like she can consult the others about this.

Matt and Lance would just make fun of her for even having feelings and Keith can't socialize to save his life. There's Hunk and Shiro, but both are closely tied to Lance and Keith and thats just a risk Pidge isn't willing to take.

The only thing left for her to do, she decided was to deny it and supress all emotions. Like the hunger games but instead of people, it's her hidden emotions she has to exterminate. _Pew pew, bitches_.

Pidge scrubbed her face with her tiny hands, groaning out loud. _I_ _never signed up for this_.

A knock on her door.

"Katie, sweetie? Are you okay?"

Whoops.

"Yes, mom. _Please_ leave me alone."

Pidge let out a sigh of relief as she heard the sound of footsteps fade. This crisis wasn't something she wanted to share with anyone, especially her mother.

Pidge picked up her controller, resigned to letting Future Her deal with the fact that she's about to meet Allura in a couple of hours and instead chose to distract herself by kicking some ass in multiplayer Mario Kart.

\----------------------------------------------

The bells clang atop Allura's head as she enters the cafe, just five minutes late and flustered from speedwalking all the way there. She was wearing a white sundress which contrasted beautifully with her dark skin and bright blue ear rings that seem to glow in the light.

Her eyes immediately landed on Pidge sitting cross-legged on the table beside the window, looking like a split copy of Matt from when he was high school.

Being around Pidge made her feel a little nostalgic. It was like a constant reminder of when she herself were in highschool and all the shenaningans they had gotten into. Keith probably got his lack of hesitance to bend rules from listening in on the trouble they've caused at school since young.

"So, what about klatt did you wanna talk about?" Pidge asked through a mouthful of sandwich. She looked like a hamster, with her green jacket practically swallowing all of her besides the head and fingers. "I'm guessing whatever it is, it isn't good."

Perceptive as usual, though it wasn't as bad as it was with Matt. That boy has a tendency to ask scarily specific and personal questions about things people don't even talk about. Allura sighed. "Lance didn't… handle yesterday all that well," She tries not to reveal too much. Lance would have a fit to even know she made this arrangement.

"Yeah, I noticed he said he didn't sleep in the chat and how he looked like shit today," Pidge really doesn't like to beat around the bush. "And in all honesty, he's a big boy. I'm pretty sure he can handle this."

"Ah, I guess I'm just worried for him," Allura twiddles with her hair sheepishly. "He's been through a lot and I just don't want him hurt."

"Understandable," Pidge finished off the sandwich in two bites and wiped the crumbs off her face. "I take it that you want to discuss about the whole shipping thing?"

"Yes. I'm glad we're on the same wavelength," Allura liked that they were able to bond through the power of matchmaking, but not at the expense of Lance getting hurt. She had made a promise and she's gonna keep it. "We should stop. I think it's best if Lance just moved on."

"I do to."

That surprised Allura. She had expected some disagreement and a little discussion to take place in order to sway Pidge over to her side.

"I see where you're coming from. Moving on would probably be the best course of action," Pidge looked up, meeting Allura's eyes for the first time since she first stepped foot in the cafe. "But they really go well together and if they manage to overcome this hurdle, I really believe these losers can be happy together."

Pidge continues. "You may not know it, but Matt is a person who... has a really hard time with attachments, platonic or romantic." She began fidgeting with the ends of her sleeves. "For him to actually develop romantic feelings, it's a big thing. A really big thing. I can tell Keith hasn't really gotten over Lance and that can really hurt Matt. I guess this is selfish of me to want them together for my own cause, but I just want Matt to be happy."

"I have to admit, it is selfish of me as well," Allura felt the need to come clean herself. It was only fair after how Pidge was honest herself. "I'd really like to believe that I want to help Lance. But that is not the case. I'm not sure what I'm doing right now is even going to help him."

"Well, firstly you definitely care about Lance so you do want to help him even if there are certain _situations_ that helped push you to want him to feel alright," Pidge adjusted her spectacles, reflecting off  light like the iconic Anime Glasses Glint™. "Secondly, we should reach a compromise. One that can benefit both our causes. We don't try to push them together in any way neither do we pull them. Lance is big enough to handle it himself. Of course, we'll be smacking some sense into him if he ever gets too hung up over it. To be honest, I feel that all you need to do is be there for him."

"That's very good advice for someone who claims to hate emotions," Allura smiled softly. Perhaps she _has_ been a little too overprotective.

"Thank you, Pidge. Though I really have to get going now. I'm gonna be late for work." Allura interjected before Pidge could reply, already standing up and pushing her seat into the table.

"Oh, uh, bye Allura!" Pidge waved as Allura made her way out. She waved back.

  
\----------------------------------------------

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

McFuckNugget: hey uhh alexa how do I stop being gay

Angelica: heyy help me ask her how do I turn off my emotions while ur at it

McFuckNugget: you go to settings and

McFuckNugget: wait

McFuckNugget: I read that as emoticons nvm

Angelica: no, go on im at the settings. what do I do next?

Boyf: arent u supposed to be at schl

Angelica: yes,but ulaz is so boringgggg

MomFriend: thats why youre failing smh

Angelica: no

Riends: my bag is practically vibrating it's way off the table

Riends: I've been watching it from the corner of my eyes

Riends: why are yall texting in the middle of school

McFuckNugget: just put it off vibration mode???

Riends: you can do that?

Angelica: N O  ONE TELL HIM

McFuckNugget: Hypocrite. Whyre you texting then? @Riends

Riends: I have a sub

McFuckNugget: yes,weve established that its matt i̼͖̬̤̥͎͋̀ͫ͝ͅn̐ͤͦ̊ͬͫ ̼̱͖̉͋ͧ͛̃͌̂ͅt͂̊ͯ̌ͥͬ̚h̺̰̖̱͖͙e̵̪̳̺ͮͬ͋̔͛ͅ ̯̜͙̩̯̘͐͋̕p̹̘̓ṟ͍͇ͩ͜e̘͑̀v̞͓͇̖̿͑̀̀͋͘iͧ̒͞o̤̰̙u̹̠̖͇̥ͬͫ̈ͯͥ̏s̸̺͈̘̣̩̝ ̦͎̣̲̯̙͓ͤ̏cͨ̿h̼͌ͧ̈́̔a̢͕͙͇̜̫̝̘ͤ̊̓p̖̳̭͓̳ͩ͒̉ͭ͆̃t̪̙̤͓͙͚̝̉͋ͩ̆͑ͥ͢e̟͚ͬ̌ͮ̆ͭȓ̸̗̲͔̈́̾̽ͦ͌̒ș͈̱ͬ

McFuckNugget: d͗͛ͥă͙͖̺̲̖̿̈m̦̗͙͈͕̣̀͒̽̾͋ͅn̺͐̓͂ ̝͉̥̜̝͙͜b͔̯̟̺̦̾͂̈̂ͅͅr̡̘̘̪͇̈̌ͅeͫ̾ā͢k̹͔̝̻̆ͤ̈́ͅi̩͈͔̪̭̬̠͂n̻͔̤̖̭̭ͭ͊g͒ ̭͇̯̻͍͈̲̓ͬ͂ͩ͑̕t̷̻ͩͣḧ͕̙̫̝̪̮́̒̆e̪̽ ̮͈̠͇́̌f̛͐̈ͪ̓̋͑̽ȯ͚͈̣͚̾̈́̏ͥͦͅu͗r̶ͭt̰͆̏̊͞h͔̭̋ͬͦ̃ͬ́͢ ̳̰͑ͨw͙͈͔͚͖̒̕a̜̞̼̱̥ͩ̀͆̓̚̚̚l̻̖̦̻͛̀ͬl̞͙͔̥ͨͧ̌͒̍̔̍͜ ͩ́̏̕i̮̥̬̦̿s̵ͯͧ̑ͯ͆̿̉ ̼̳̱̊͒̍ȟ͙̬͈͕ͧͩ̓̒̊ͭa̺̰͖̭̞̬͑r̼̣̗̋ͧd̯̲͚̻̗͙̠ͤͫͫ̚e̪̱̗̻̜ȑ̝̺̺̹͖̬̬̆ͬͪ͞ ͖͎̥̟̖͈ͦ̒͊t̵̾̉̄͌ͥh̖̣͎̠͍͌ͧͯ̉ͦa̰̲͙͔͖̹̲ͧ̉̔ͤ̅̒n̼̪̍͐̽͆̈́ͭ̚ ̙̥̱̺̱ͅI͇͙̦̳̲̖̖̋͡ ̟̞ͤͨͫ͢t͓͓̜̹̙͜h͉̪́ͨ̈ͦ̿ͯ̽ọ̰͍͗̇ͭ̓u̺̠͇̗̜̦͂̂̊ͮͥ͝g̠͓̫̤͌ͬ͑ͮ̔̃̕h͂ͦͤt̪̻͓̭͙̜ͧͪ̓ ̭͙̻̘̝̝̻:͙̱̹̊̄ͤ̓ͥ̊ͮ/҉̯̲̫͍̺̬

Angelica: uhh what the fuck is happening @McFuckNugget

McFuckNugget: nothing,just a lil glitch in o̡̱̱̟͕̥̹̊̿ͭ͒̄u̮̤̣̫͛͗̽r̸̦̟͉͕ ̵͍͎̻̙̥̼̾͌ŭ̩͍n̰͔̭̪̣͆ͫ̂̑̀i͕ͮ͊͐͒v͐̊̐é̩͈̘̯͉̾̓r̰̲͔̭ͫͣͪͅs̫͎̼͓̠ȅ̔̀

MomFriend: I am a confusion

McFuckNugget: nvm I fixed it

McFuckNugget: @Riends yes,weve established that its matt

Riends: hes a substitute teacher??

MomFriend: you know keith,I'd gladly give my life to you

Riends: thanks?…

 

Boyf>>>McFuckNugget

Boyf: pidge I told you to stop trying to b̗̘̳͕͕̬r̯̽̊e̯̙aͣ̓̓ͩ̀ͣ͂k̾̄̀ ̛͇̆ţ̱̯̞͙̥̖͇ͮĥ̭̬͊̌̃ͭͨ͗e͆͂̓̔ ͉ ̩̙ͫ͌ͮ̉͘f̥͔̙ͩ̃͊͐̽͌͟o̧̼͖̓͊ͮͫu̮̓̈́ͣ̐͐̈́ͦͅr͎̞̮͉̲͎̖̒̆t̥͕̜͙͎h͍̔͊ ͔̦̰̽̂ͥ̈́ͦw̮͚͔͙͆͐̓ͣa̖̭͚̐̈l̨̘̠̬̟̺̦̉̐̑̑̂́̌ḻ̾̈́ͪͮͭ

McFuckNugget: whoopsie

Boyf: Im serious.

Boyf: ̦̱̖͕ͪ̈́̽̄T̘̜ͧ̉ͦh͖͕͕̟̫̣͙̒̇ͤ́̌ͯ̒͠e̙͔̐̏ ̃͟a̲͓͙ͪ͗͐̚͝u̖͚̠̰̻͙̟͒̎̈̾t̽̒̉ͮͬͦ͡h͍͓͇̦̲ͪ̿̎̎ö̻̹͇̊̓ͣ̿ͫ͠rͫͪ͊̓͏̝̱͕̦̘ m̻̮̮̞͋͌ỉ͝gh͚͓̑ͩ͒͐͐t̵̹͔̮̖̟̞ ̯̠̜̬̹̎̓ͯn͍̝̞͚͈̣̪ͥ͋ȯ̹̰̮̯͕͉͉ͤt̄͢i͍̙͕̭͋̒̏͒č͍̱̫̳ͩͩe ̥̆ͤͩͬͦ̎ͣa̽̇͏͍n̛͇͖̣͕͚̹̹ͩd̴̬͖ ̲͎͖ͧ̂͌͛̅̃d͎ͭ͌͐ͯ̒̈̀ȇ̫̣̺̖͖̱̪ͬ͂͊͟l̪͍͓̣ę̝͕͚ͮͫͥ͐͑̍͗ṱ̘̫̱̙̩͉ē̑͠ ͏ư̮̆s̲̯͕̯̯̣͛̔̓͛

McFuckNugget: alright alright I'll stop

Boyf: good :)

McFuckNugget: >:P

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

_Angelica changed NoFun4NoOne's username to OldFatherJohnson!_

OldFatherJohnson: this was really unwarranted

Angelica: AHA

Angelica: I KNEW youd be lurking

OldFatherJohnson: stop screaming my old bones cant take it

Boyf: he finally admits it what a blessed day today is

Angelica: AKXMMSAMZN

Angelica: Im screenshotting it and sending it to everyone I know

 

Angelica>>>Vewonica

Angelica: [Screenshot69.jpeg]

Vewonica: is that shiro

Angelica: _Howd u know_

Vewonica: I mean,who else would it be?

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

Angelica: 'is that shiro'- Veronica

Boyf: hes an iconic old man

OldFatherJohnson: 'owning up to who you are will make you a better paladin'- Jiro,Voltron:Legendary Disappointment

Boyf: ahh spoken like a true gay

MomFriend: pay attention in class im begging you all

Angelica: roasting shiro is more fun

MomFriend: Pay Attention Or Else I Will Peel Off Your Nails And Eat Em Like Cornflakes

Angelica:…

Angelica: o-okay

MomFriend: :)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I know Im late but like,,I was busy writting a whiterose oneshot and drawing spop Catradora (Posted on ig yall can check it out if yall want @ qwerty_bleu)


	10. Nothing Is More Sexy Than A Healthy And Wholesome Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> plenty brogane and wholesome stuff goin on :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning(s): slight biphobia when Lance started talking about decking Sendak.(Nothing graphic)

 

Angelica:Lance  
OldFatherJohnson: Shiro  
Riends: Keith  
McFuckNugget: Pidge  
Olloro: Allura  
MomFriend: Hunk  
Boyf: Matt

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

[3.23pm]

Angelica: hey guys did you know hippos milk is pink

Boyf: sweet! free strawberry milk

MomFriend: I dont think thats how it works

Angelica: here we go again

Boyf: no thats how it works

McFuckNugget: classic elizabeth

McFuckNugget: bending the laws of the world with his sweet,wonderful words

Angelica: l a w s ? :)

MomFriend: PIDGE WHY

Angelica: **_ACCORDING TO ALL KNOWN LAWS IN AVIATION,_**

McFuckNugget: FUVK I FORGOT

Angelica: LET ME _BEE_ FREE

 _Olloro removed_ _Angelica from the groupchat!_

_McFuckNugget changed Olloro's username to QueenB!_

McFuckNugget: Allura our Queen,

McFuckNugget: our Saviour

McFuckNugget: what do you want in exchange for this supreme service?

QueenB: your unquestioning loyalty and submission

McFuckNugget: ok

Boyf: xjkskana you useless lesbian

McFuckNugget: shtu p bitch youd do the same for keith

Boyf: Yes

MomFriend: the lack of hesitance to that answer is lowkey troubling but okay

QueenB: btw if lance asks any of you to add him back dont do it

QueenB: theres some things we have to talk through

McFuckNugget: wasnt planning to lol

Boyf: (⌐■_■) aye aye ma'am

MomFriend: okay??

 

Angelica>>>MomFriend

Angelica: psst hey

Angelica: add me back pwease

Angelica: …

Angelica: huuunk stop leaving me on read >:(

Angelica: …

Angelica: :(

 

McFuckNugget>>>Angelica

McFuckNugget: no

Angelica: I HAVENT EVEN ASKED YOU YET MSMSMSK

McFuckNugget: still a no from me lol

Angelica: I h8 you

McFuckNugget: ;)

 

Angelica>>>Riends

Angelica: mullet man

Angelica: …

Angelica: k ur so focused on cleaning I'll stop disturbing you

 

Angelica>>>OldFatherJohnson

Angelica: hey old man

Angelica: …

 

Angelica>>>QueenB

Angelica: luraaa

Angelica: add me back _blease_

Angelica: everyone else _blueticked_ me!! The audacity!

QueenB: no

Angelica: w h y

QueenB: you need to cool down first

QueenB: dont think I didnt notice you redirected the convo

Angelica: haha what

QueenB: lance,please

QueenB: matt isnt as clueless as he presents himself to be

QueenB: he'll catch onto whatever this is and your meme team thing will sour :(

Angelica: I dont know what youre talkin bout lura

QueenB: shit

QueenB: gtg I got customers dont think I'll forget this McClain

Angelica: wait how come ur queen bee thats MY title

QueenB: :P

  
________________________________

[5.30pm]

Allura opened the door to their apartment, her keys jangling from the movement. The apartment was dark except for a beam of light coming out from under Lance's door. Indignant yelling could heard coupled with insults like 'gremlin' and 'hobgoblin' thrown around.

Ah, he must be up against Pidge.

A small smile graced Allura's lips. Pidge was truly a caring person and a good friend, even if she did hide it behind her scary gremlin facade. Allura put down her bag and undid her silver hair, letting it fall to her back before knocking on Lance's door.

There was a pause before the door opened up and she was faced with her glorious disaster of a stepbrother. His cat earphones rested on his shoulders and he was wearing his standard blue and white shirt with shorts.

"Hey 'Lura, you might wanna hurry up and say what you need to say because I need to destroy Pidge's ass in Magika, like, right now," Lance scratched at his back as Pidge's garbled screams of retaliation could be heard even from where Allura is standing. Though his tone was casual, there was no hiding the awkward hitch in his voice.

Allura gave him one of her best Not-Taking-Any-Bullshit smiles.

"I just wanted to talk about your recent behaviour in the groupchat,"  
Allura let herself into the room, opting to sit on the bed as Lance flopped face first onto the red and blue beanbags on the floor.

"I can't escape this, can I?" Lance's asked in resignation, the beanbags muffling his voice. Meamwhile a small "I'm out of here" could be heard from his headphones as Pidge disconnects.

"Nope!"

"Alright, whats crackalackin' this time my fellow furry," Lance asked with a tired grin on his face as he rolled over so that he would be draped across the beanbag dramatically. "Geddit? Because we both have a matching cat themed head thingies." He gestured at his head.

"I literally work at an animal shelter, Lance. You're the furry here," Allura can't help but correct him as she fiddles with her hat with the cat ears protruding, leaning back to let her back touch the wall. "And you probably should start telling me about whats happening to you recently."

"Ugh, fine." Lance jabbed a finger at her. "But if this ever gets out to anyone I'm gonna boil your teeth, 'Lura."

"O-okay?"

"Good." Lance turned back and tapped his controller. "And sorry. I didn't mean to worry you, I'm just- annoyed? Is that the right word? It's stupid but I'm maybe jealous of Matt?"

Allura quirked her head to the side. "Why?"

"Well firstly, he's like, super smart?? But he rarely ever shows it, its just widely acknowledged. Meanwhile I had to work hard my ass off just to prove I'm not dumb," Lance held out his hands counting out the reasons physically after discarding his controller back onto the floor. "Secondly, he's so confident and seems to excel in anything without effort! He's basically a better version of me, Allura!"

Lance began gesturing in the air wildly in frustration. "Oh man, I'm like a secondhand human being, I wouldn't ever choose me either if I were Keith!"

"Lance, we all love you for _you._ Matt isn't as perfect as you think, he's human too. And I'm sure he is also envious of some of your qualities because I sure am," Allura held onto Lance's hand firmly, an unspoken _I'm here for you_. "I can understand why you would think you're a horrible person when you're not because you get the front row seats of your nasty thoughts and impulses. Trust me, everyone gets them too. But what matters is what you choose to do despite these nasty thoughts."

Lance looked at her with watery eyes. "So they don't hate me or think I'm a selfish brat like mom and leave me?" A small fragile whisper.

Allura couldn't help it. She pulled Lance into a bone crushing hug. "Oh, Lance. why would you ever think that? We all love you so much."

Lance shook his head making garbled noises that sound closely like "I don't know" and buried his head into the crook of her neck as he began sobbing. Allura's shirt began to get wet from his tears as he let out what must have been years of blinding fear. Allura hugged Lance tighter, silently vowing to never let go.

Lance won't completely heal from the trauma of being left behind by his mom, not yet. But it's a start.

________________________________

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

[6.10pm]

McFuckNugget: :(

McFuckNugget: can we add lance to the gc its so quiet without him

MomFriend: ya I almost gave in to his sad smileys

MomFriend: HE GAVE ME THE SAD SMILEY, ALLURA

OldFatherJohnson: he called me an old man

Boyf: lance would HAHA

QueenB: lance is really rubbing off on you guys

_QueenB added Angelica to the groupchat!_

Angelica: bet yall thought youve seen the last of me

MomFriend: BRO!!

Angelica: BRO!!

McFuckNugget: Lonce!!!

Angelica: hobgoblin!!! <3

McFuckNugget: @QueenB kick him out again.

Angelica: BLEASE NO

Riends: I had to throw hands with a bitch today

OldFatherJohnson: I know.Im tending to your wounds right now as we speak.

Riends: :P

McFuckNugget: dang fucketh!

McFuckNugget: out of all the days this happened it has to be the day I'm not arnd smh @god square up I'm fighting you

QueenB: shhh I wanna know what happened

Angelica: haha yeah omg today was wild

Angelica: so this kid named sendak?? (who gives their child such a stupid name lmao)

MomFriend: my name is hunk and youre named after a weapon,lance

Angelica: SEMANTICS

Angelica: anyways he started givin me shit about being bi

Angelica: Its not like im ashamed or whatever,Im p sure almost the whole school knows im bi but he started saying stupid shit like how I needed to 'pick a side' and that Im just an attention whore

McFuckNugget: his name is sendak eh? Want me to wreck his social life?

Boyf: ^ Same. Just give us the word and his entire academic career and social life will crumble. We bis gotta have each others back,no? @MomFriend @Angelica

MomFriend: I say do it

QueenB: Annhilate Him.

OldFatherJohnson: isnt it 2019?? discrimination against lgbt folks still exist? Like cmon man, what century is he living in

Angelica: #PREACH!

Angelica: anyways keith overheard and immediately flung himself from half across the hallway to deck the little shit

Boyf: his gaynger (gay+danger) spidey senses were tingling

McFuckNugget: I am this close to fighting you matt

Boyf: square up  t h o t

Angelica: It was so great,man. Pidge you shouldve been there to see it

Angelica: I had to physically restrain HUNK from going over to deck him too

MomFriend: I mean,like hell am I gonna let some dick hurt my best friend like that ╮(╯▽╰)╭

Angelica: brO <3!!!!

MomFriend: bro :) <3

McFuckNugget: Wholesome™

McFuckNugget: would be a shame if…

Boyf: someone were to send a cursed imagine rn

McFuckNugget: [The HolesOnACrocsTapedShutAndUsedAsACerealBowl.jpeg]

Boyf: [ABunchOfCPRDollsCircledAroundACryingToddler.jpeg]

Boyf: SIKE

McFuckNugget: SIKE

MomFriend: and with this, a grim reminder is made that despite everything, the holts are still chaos gods

Angelica: amen

Boyf: but srsly tho if this sendick dudebro gives you any more trouble tell us

McFuckNugget: Yeah! I'll break his legs!

QueenB: I'll try to cover for whatever illegal endeavours you guys are gonna do :)

OldFatherJohnson: I'll bail you all out of jail and pick up the pieces

MomFriend: bc despite our differences we are still a family

McFuckNugget: a family of two meme machines,an old lowkey dying man,a gremlin,the sun,an emo cowboy and a goddess

Riends: a familys a family,right?

Angelica: IM CRY ING I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!!

MomFriend: AAAA ME TOO

McFuckNugget: FUCK STOP MAKING ME CRY

Boyf: IM NOT CRYING YOURE CRYING

QueenB: _MY TEARS_

Riends: you guys are so dramatic

OldFatherJohnson: hes lying hes a blubbering mess rn

OldFatherJohnson: [KeithHappy-Crying.jpeg]

Riends: thats not me.

Angelica: DW KEITH WE LOVE YOU TOO

Boyf: SECONDED!

MomFriend: IM SO GLAD I MET YOU ALL AAAA

McFuckNugget: you wont ever hear me repeat myself but I honestly learnt so much and grew so much just from being your friends.I probably wouldve been some sort of neet stuck in my room all day hating humanity if lance hadnt forced himself to be my friend and introduced you guys to me and I know I act like an asshole gremlin sometimes but I really do care about you guys and Im so glad to have learnt the Power Of Friendship™ with you bunch of losers and I love you all

Angelica: WE ALL LOVE YOU TOO PIDGEY

Boyf: OH MAN THIS IS SO WHOLESOME MY BLACKHOLE HEART IS MELTING

Angelica: WHAT A MOOD

OldFatherJohnson: I also just wanna say that although you guys are sometimes a big pain in the ass, its been quite a fun learning experience over the years to be friends with all of you and that you guys are admittedly one of my truest (and most annoying) friends and Im glad to have the chance meet you all too

McFuckNugget: STOP IM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CRYING

Angelica: THESE R MANLY TEARS

MomFriend: ERASE TOXIC MASCULINITY LET BOYS CRY

Angelica: RT

Boyf: SHITO IM SO GLAD I SPILLED SPAGHETTI ON YOU ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

OldFatherJohnson: I mean,I lost my favourite jacket but gained 6 new good friends so I think its a pretty fair exchange

QueenB: MY  H E A R T

QueenB: FOR THE RECORD IM GLAD I WAS NEARBY TO HELP YOU GUYS CLEAN THE MESS

Angelica: ANYONE ELSE GOT A SAPPY CONFESSION TO MAKE

Riends: okay uh

Riends: I know I suck at emotions and words big time.And I love how you guys dont give me shit for it and actually try to make me more comfortable and taught me how to come out of my shell a little. If it werent for lance's 'rivalry' id probably still be alone and friendless and without you all id probably still be the same angry and troubled kid I was a few years back.Id like to thank shiro especially for always teaching me to accept and love myself for who I am  and never giving up on me no matter the trouble I got into and I can never express my gratitude enough so uh yeah. Thank you and I love you all so much,from the bottom of nonexistent heart.

OldFatherJohnson: Keith I'd do everything again if I had to

OldFatherJohson: I love you too :)

Riends: wow that was embarassing bye Imma sleep

Angelica: KEITH THAT WAS SO TOUCHING XNKSNANNS

Riends: BYE YALL

MomFriend: WE LOVE YOU TOO KEITH

McFuckNugget: MOM JUST CAME IN AND ASKED WHY MATT N I ARE WAILING AAAA

Boyf: MY TEARS ARE A GIFT TO THIS WORLD

Angelica: TODAY WAS ONE HELL OF A TRAINWRECK BUT I'LL TREASURE IT FOREVER

MomFriend: WHO KNEW SENDICK'S EXISTENCE COULD LEAD TO GOOD THINGS

McFuckNugget: HEHE SENDICK

Angelica: I KNEW YOUD SAY THAT

MomFriend: WHYRE WE STILL TYPING IN CAPS

Angelica: TO EXPRESS THE HUGENESS OF MY FEELINGS RN

MomFriend: ahhhh this was so wholesome and healing

Angelica: no kidding alfor just came home and thought I had a heart complication bc I was making strangled noises and clenching my heart

Angelica: anyways as much as I love to stay I got assignments to do

MomFriend: aighty bye bro

Angelica: *places a platonic no-homo kiss on hunk's forehead lovingly *

MomFriend: (U‿U✿) Ive been blessed

Angelica: <3

MomFriend: <3

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I delivered! Another chapter in a week! Be proud of me mom :'))
> 
> As always, constructive critiscm,comments and kudos are always appreciated! Thank yall for reading<3


	11. What We Lost And Gained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> katt goes on a date and lance chugs down 7 bottles of mountain dew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay yall didnt deserve that sudden 2 months hiatus and I have no excuse other than I started another project and that life(or rather, a couple deaths) kicked me in the nuts and I needed something to distract me. Sorry oof
> 
> Trigger Warning(s): Mentions of abusive foster homes when Keith talks about his childhood. (nothing graphic)

 

Angelica:Lance  
OldFatherJohnson: Shiro  
Riends: Keith  
McFuckNugget: Pidge  
QueenB: Allura  
MomFriend: Hunk  
Boyf: Matt

 **The** **Unofficial Gaygenda**

QueenB: do I really need an education

Boyf: ahhh a mood

Angelica: PIDGE I SWEAR TO GOD THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOUR FACE IM GONNA YOTE YOU TO THE SUN

McFuckNugget: whoopsie

OldFatherJohnson: aight what kind of ass crackery is happening today

Riends: is this what they call foreplay?

McFuckNugget: n A S T Y

Angelica: excuse I take offense to that

QueenB: Tell me next time if they decide to fuck in DnD

McFuckNugget: I am a small innocent lesbian I dont deserve this

Boyf: innocent?

Boyf: thats not what your internet history says so

McFuckNugget: certain sacrifices had to be made when trying to dive into the deeper parts of the net

Angelica: what

Angelica: what did you see?…

McFuckNugget: oh?

McFuckNugget: YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW? :)

Angelica: nvm

Boyf: <https://m.fanfiction.net/s/3096379/1/First-Encounter>

Boyf: Idk what this is but I randomly picked it from her recent searches

McFuckNugget: BITCH

Boyf: dont act like we dont attack each others firewall to get blackmail on each other all the time smh :P

MomFriend: do I wanna know what that is,,,

Angelica: lmao how bad can it be

Boyf: waaaait for it

Angelica: …

Angelica: …

Angelica: WH

Angelica: PIDGE WHAT THE FUCK

Boyf: _there_ it is

Angelica: CHRIST ON A CRACKER WHAT THE HECK

OldFatherJohnson: …

Angelica: whY IS A KRAKEN FUCKING A MAGICAL SCHOOL

Angelica: WHY IS IT SENTIENT

McFuckNugget: how dare you disrespect the bodacious hogwarts castle like this

Angelica: HOW DOES A MAGICAL SCHOOL EVEN ORGASM

QueenB: youre really asking all the wrong questions here lance

Angelica: LEAVE ME ALONE IM OFFICIALLY SHOOKETH™

McFuckNugget: pshh weakling

McFuckNugget: that isnt even the worse

Angelica: n-no

Angelica: leave me alone,,

MomFriend: @Angelica want a brug?

Boyf: owo whats that

MomFriend: bro+hug

Angelica: when you have things to do but ur best bro is holding you tight in his warm loving arms: brocrastination

McFuckNugget: thats pretty gay

Angelica: no u

McFuckNugget: unoriginal 4/10 keith is now my new son

Angelica: I thought _I_ was your son

QueenB: you… you can,,, have more than one son,,

McFuckNugget: no

OldFatherJohnson: ah well I guess keith has been a figment of my imagination for the past 8 years

Friends: even Im not sure if Im real or not half the time so you might really be onto something here

McFuckNugget: local cryptid hunter was the cryptid all along

Angelica: [DissociatingBoi.jpeg]

Angelica: is

Angelica: is he okay

OldFatherJohnson: its his daily existential crisis time

Angelica: he schedules it?

McFuckNugget: who doesnt??

QueenB: the holt-brogane clan are the most unhealthiest motherfuckers Ive ever seen

Boyf: its not slander if its true

Boyf: I think I forgot to eat today

Boyf: but Im too lazy to go to the kitchen

McFuckNugget: *gentle gasp*

McFuckNugget: same

OldFatherJohnson: Im literally in your living room right now.

OldFatherJohnson: you could just ask me to bring you something

Boyf: then bring me a banana

OldFatherJohnson: are you gonna just deepthroat it again

Angelica: showing off his Skills

Boyf: uwu

OldFatherJohnson: siiigh

McFuckNuggets: peanut butter cookies for me please

Boyf: ur still at school wtf

McFuckNugget: did I stutter?

 

McFuckNugget>>>Boyf

McFuckNugget: nice try trying act chill

McFuckNugget: I KNOW youre just pacing n being Lance 2.0 in your room there

Boyf: piDGE HELP ME

Boyf: WHAG DO I WEAR

McFuckNugget: do I _look_ like Im the right person to ask

Boyf: …

Boyf: do I

Boyf: do I wear that mothman costume

McFuckNugget: matt, my dear older brother I love you so much and I say this with as much affection as possible: What The Fuck Bitch

McFuckNugget: youve known keith since childhood just go casual but not too casual

McFuckNugget: NO WEARING SANDALS WITH SOCKS PLEASE

Boyf: phfft how much of an idiot do you think I am?

McFuckNugget: you wore that to prom.

Boyf: I didnt sleep for 4 days then dont @ me please

McFuckNugget: *eyes emoji*

Boyf: Im being slandered smh

McFuckNugget: that aint outside the norm fool

 

Boyf>>>OldFatherJohnson

Boyf: hey shiro

OldFatherJohnson: if its about what youre gonna wear, I think youd look nice in some skinny jeans,open red plaids and a white shirt underneath

OldFatherJohnson: dont wear sandals with socks.

Boyf: you make a mistake _once_ smh

Boyf: and thank the baloney ponies

OldFatherJohnson: though I do wanna give you The Talk

OldFatherJohnson: I trust youd take care of him

OldFatherJohnson: but the threat of bodily harm still stands if you hurt him. Understand?

Boyf: YES SIR

OldFatherJohnson: now please let me watch she-ra in peace

Boyf: yuppers

 

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

MomFriend: @Angelica

MomFriend: LANCE WHERE R U

Angelica: yee?

MomFriend: dont 'yee' me you left me to deal with romelle alone sksksk

McFckNugget: ??

McFuckNugget: arent u at alluras hse?

QueenB: I love how its reffered to my hse and not lances

Angelica: HISSS

MomFriend: yeah I am?

McFuckNugget: whys romelle there?

MomFriend: she lives here???

McFuckNugget: she whAT

Angelica: okay so when we (now garrison fourio) were wee little babies, the og garrison trio (awwuwa,shiwo and matt)

QueenB: why is matts name the only one not uwu-fied

Angelica: sHH

Angelica: ANYWAYS, they were doing some whack ass science project and ended up blasting a hole in the wall between us n the neigbour

McFuckNugget: no surprises there

Angelica: and our neighbour was actually romelle! Since her parents are gone and she lives alone with her brother, alfor just decided to be the surrogate parent to them and tear down the wall completely

McFuckNugget: WH

McFuckNugget: HE JUST WENT 'LOOK AT THESE POOR ORPHANS IM THEIR DAD NOW' ???

QueenB: p much

OldFatherJohnson: why is it so surprising isnt that what basically happened with me and keith?

McFuckNugget: thats different! your parents literally filled out the forms to adopt him, not tear down a wall to connect two houses and become their stand-in parent upon seeing two orphans

Angelica: *eyes emoji*

Angelica: dont this make the thing you got going with romelle sorta incest

QueenB: Dont Go There,Lance

McFuckNugget: SO YOUVE HAD HER NUMBER THIS WHOLE TIME???

QueenB: is that

QueenB: is that a problem

McFuckNugget: why didnt you add her here then? >:(

QueenB: I sort of assumed you wouldnt want her to be here and suddenly tilt the balance this friendgroup had managed to achieve :(

McFuckNugget: My queen, with all due respects thats dumb

QueenB: want me to add her?

MomFriend: so we're all just gonna ignore my predicament huh

Angelica: @MomFriend yes

Angelica: DO IT

OldFatherJohnson: I dont see why not

McFuckNugget: you know my answer

_QueenB has added Fem!Romeo to the groupchat!_

Fem!Romeo: what in tarnation

Riends: I like her already

Angelica: ofc you would

McFuckNugget: Romelle!!

Fem!Romeo: yes,random stranger?

McFuckNugget: its me!!

McFuckNugget: pidge!

Fem!Romeo: are you by an chance that girl who tried shoving a lobster under my door when we were kids? :D

McFuckNugget: YEAH

Fem!Romelle: PIDGE!!

McFuckNugget: ROMELLE!

Fem!Romeo: whats this chat for?

QueenB: ah its sort of our friendgroup chat

Fem!Romeo: :oo

Fem!Romeo: I only know you and pidge here though,,

Angelica: its lance here lol

Fem!Romeo: oh hi lance!

MomFriend: im hunk, the dude whos sitting awkwardly in front of you rn

Fem!Romeo: oof hi hunk!

OldFatherJohnson: Im shiro, the dude that was with allura who accidentally made a hole in the wall

Fem!Romeo: :O

Fem!Romeo: are you the twink or the one with white hair?

McFuckNugget: t h e  t w i n k

McFuckNugget: @Boyf I love how you get roasted even tho ur not even doing anything

OldFatherJohnson: Im the one with white hair

OldFatherJohnson: @Boyf here is the twink, his name is matt

Boyf: why have I been summoned

Angelica: scroll up

Fem!Romeo: wow you guys are still friends? most people usually drift apart :OO

OldFatherJohnson: they wont leave me alone,,,

Boyf: I like to think Ive become 1/2 less twinky since the last time I saw you

Fem!Romeo: then you wouldnt be jeremy anymore, no?

Boyf: nah im def michael

Boyf: @Riends is jeremy

Fem!Romeo: whos riends? I dont think theyve introduced themself yet :O

OldFatherJohnson: thats keith, my pain in the ass younger brother

Fem!Romeo: if youre seeing this, hi keith!

QueenB: hes probably busy smh

McFuckNugget: ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)

Fem!Romeo: O H ? ( ◐ω◐ )

MomFriend: with his date with keith

Boyf: how did everyone know wtf

McFuckNugget: "dont act like we dont attack each others firewall to get blackmail on each other all the time smh :P "

Boyf: yA BUT WE HAD A PACT THAT MESSAGES ARE A STRICTLY NO ZONE

McFuckNugget: so maybe keith told shiro and shiro cant keep a secret to save his life smh

Boyf: hey takashi (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

_OldFatherJohnson has left the groupchat!_

QueenB: rip

Angelica: he finally gets to achieve being dead both on the outside and inside

McFuckNugget: oh my god (s)he fuckin dead

Boyf: h-he on x games

Fem!Romeo: Im so glad to know vine culture still lives on in all of us

________________________________

Keith rolled his eyes as he skimmed through his messages, a small smile gracing his face. Of _course_ his possible new friend would be a meme fuck. That's just how it's been for a while ever since he was accepted into their friendgroup.

Keith shivered a little as the wind blew harder, really wishing he'd wore a jacket today. He had instead chose to wear his usual getup and tie his hair up, minus the crop jacket ('Its stupid and makes you look like a pokemon trainer, Keith!') _Shut up, Shiro._ So here he was, standing outside of his apartment in all of his emo glory.

He heard Matt before seeing him, the heavy crunching of leaves that sync with the determined steps of someone approaching alerted him. He looked up to find himself face to face with what he's sure is the brightest sun in the universe.

"Sorry to keep you waiting!" Matt beamed at him and Keith was pretty sure Matt could ask him for anything right there and then and Keith would comply. "Are you set to go?"

"Y- yeah," Keith patted his thighs to make sure his wallet and keys were with him. "Where are we going?"

Matt turned to him and only winked. They walked for a while, with Matt talking about whatever anecdotes he has in store and Keith listening contently as they pass by the shops and buildings in the town they've grown up in. People always say there is excitement in trying new things but Keith would rather much prefer the warm comfort of the familiar.

Before he knew it, they came to a stop in front the local movie theatre. Keith stared at it.

"Sorry if it's anti climatic, but there's this movie I really think you'd like! I asked Shiro and he said you don't really like grand gestures so I figured you'd like to do soft things! I mean, activities where we can just enjoy each other's company. Wait- no that came out wrong argh!" Matt rambled while rubbernecking, a little embarassed. "Anyways, we can go somewhere else if you want."

The movie theatre is one of their childhood gathering hotspots, the one holt-broganes frequented. The building was dull, the paint was peeling and admitedly in need of repair. The stains they've made on the carpet as kids were also still there, faded and splotchy. It was familiar, it held many happy memories. Keith smiled. It was perfect.

"Well? what are we gonna watch?" Keith walked in first, surveying the movies plastered onto the boards. "It'd better not be a star wars movie, I'd rather watch fifty shades of gray than sit through another one of those." Keith chuckled. The holt family was unsurprisingly really into the Star Wars franchise and Keith had watched the whole series over and over way to many times while staying over with them on the occasion that Shiro would be too busy to care for him.

That seemed like the right thing to say because the tension in Matt immediately eased and they slipped into their normal comfortable dynamic. After all, having a lover is like having a best friend. Only difference is that you do some extra stuff like kissing and the whole dating shebang.

"Guardians of the galaxy sounds good to you?" Matt stood beside him, pointing to the poster. "It's sci-fi and also hilarious so I figured we'd both enjoy it. Plus star lord though."

"You had me at 'star lord' already."

Keith hated many things, one of them being physical contact. Keith hated being grabbed and pulled by some persons hands. He hated that people had such power over him, had the power to easily make him feel uncomfortable and violated.

Keith however did not pull away or flinch when Matt took a hold of him and intertwined their hands, rather he leaned into it. It was comforting and it felt _right_. It felt like home.

They stayed like that even as they paid for the ticket (they split the price because Keith is many things and stubborn is one of them) and bought the popcorns.

The lovestruck fools don't notice the workers' 'awwws' as they walked into the theatre hand in hand. Neither do they notice the exchange of money behind their backs as some of the workers lost to a 5 year bet. Some things are better left unknown, right?

________________________________

**The Unofficial Gaygenda**

McFuckNugget: @Boyf

McFuckNugget: @Boyf pick up bich

QueenB: guess hes busy lmao

MomFriend: we can continue without them??

McFuckNugget: aw hell yeah! game night with the voltron squad - a bitchass brother n keith

Angela: if any of yall touch my shit, your toes?

Angelica: gone by the morning.

MomFriend: *sweats nervously*

Fem!Romeo: cmon, its held in the living room what could possibly go wrong?

Angelica: the last time, even with only three members of this squad gathered they somehow put a hole through your wall, romelle

Fem!Romeo: touche

QueenB: someone open the door me n shiro are almost there and our hands are full with snacks

McFuckNugget: YES

MomFriend: I remember specifically asking for some snacks, not a whole truckload of it

Angelica: time to get drunk on mountain dew

McFuckNugget: we are all broke students and our livelihood depends on the cheapest food which is coincidentally snacks sis @MomFriend

MomFriend: smh yall gonna die early

Angelica: you say it like its a bad thing

Angelica: brb gonna chug three bottles of mountain dew

QueenB: lance nO

Angelica: LANCE  Y E S

QueenB: SOMEONE GRAB HIM

________________________________

As they emerge from the darkness of the theatre, Keith flinches and blinks blearily as he waits for his eyes to adjust to the light even if it's already 7 in the evening. Checking his phone, he sees that there were nearly six hundred new messages from the groupchat. What are they up to now? It really seems like this ragtag bunch of friends never seem to run out of shenaningangs to get themselves into.

The workers noticeably started hushly whispering the moment they came out to the lobby though the reason is left unknown to Keith. He tugged onto the plaid jacket he was now wearing, an article of clothing gifted to him by Matt after he saw Keith shivering in the dark theatre and turned to Matt.

"Can we go to the park?" Keith felt bad for asking him of this, probably intruding on whatever plans Matt has but Keith felt the urgent need to show Matt, to let himself be exposed and tear down his walls. Surprisingly, Matt nodded with a warm smile and off they went towards the park.

Of course, they stopped by for some ice cream and soon found themselves on the swings of a desolated playground, void of any screaming obnoxious children. Keith had obviously chose raspberry flavour whereas Matt chose Choco Mint. Keith couldn't understand why Matt would like Choco Mint and naturally Matt took offense which sparked an hour long discourse on which is the best flavour (Keith thinks it's definitely raspberry).

The chains creaked as he slowly rocked himself back and forth, taking comfort in the rhythm as he listened to Matt talk and ate away at his treat. Keith liked that the brunet knew Keith didn't really like talking and respected that.

"You know, this was where I first met Shiro." Keith looked up at the sky, reminscing of the fateful day that changed his life forever. Matt kept silent, waiting for Keith to finish as he sensed this was important from the way Keith spoke. "I kicked him in the nuts."

Matt snorted.

"That really isn't surprising," Matt almost succumbed into another bout of laughter as he imagines the scene and a tiny angry Keith. He crumpled up his now empty cup and tossed it in the trash can. "What did he do?"

"He told me to move from the swings because I was hogging it and the other kids wanted a turn." Keith was really a lot different now then he was as a kid. The childish anger he held onto as a coping mechanism to survive bouncing around multiple foster homes seemed… a little sad now that he thinks about it, like a cry for help.

"You know, he kept on coming back after that even though I always end up causing him a lot of trouble," Keith smiled and stopped swinging. He looked into the empty cup enveloped in his palms.

In a way, the cup is him. The palm was Shiro. Anything can seem priceless and precious when embraced so lovingly between someone's palm and that was how he felt when Shiro took him under his wings. For the first time in his life, Keith had felt like he wasn't just broken trash, thrown out by his biological parents. "I took his wallet once and climbed the tree so he couldn't get it. Imagine my surprise when he actually climbed it and I jumped in panic. Broke my left leg and had to wear a cast. Shiro paid for it when my current foster parent wouldn't. I've stuck by Shiro ever since."

"I'm glad you met him," Matt spoke softly, giving him a look filled with so much love and care that Keith ended up looking at the ground, blushing. "It sucked what happened to you, but it got you here, didn't it?

"Yeah, I guess so." They observed the setting sun together and just as the sun dipped from the horizon Matt leaned into Keith and softly planted a chaste kiss on his lips. Yeah, Keith thinks. It got him here didn't it? Surrounded by loving family and close friends. There isn't a thing he would change even if he could.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaAAAND THEY KISSED!
> 
> rip I binge wrote this from 1am to 7am lol imma collapse now ewe

**Author's Note:**

> art acc @ insta: qwerty_bleu (feel free to hmu!)


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